Cave Canes
by HomemadeMagic
Summary: This is the story of the friendships, the betrayals, and the deaths of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Centered around each phase of the moon, it follows their relationship step by painful step. Subject to constant revision, as new canon becomes available.
1. New Moon

Disclaimer: I didn't invent this. I'm just playing with JKR's stuff, here. I promise I won't break it and it'll be as good as new when I give it back.

* * *

Shhh...be quiet for a minute. Children! Shush! There, that's better. Now, take a break from everything for a second. Listen to the wind blowing in the trees. We are miles away from anything. Just think about that! I know, it's cold. We'll go back inside in a minute...but let me finish first. 

Now look up at the sky for a moment. See all those stars? Millions of stars. No moon tonight...you can see everything. No lights from the city to block things out. Can anyone see the Big Dipper? Perfect, honey...what about Orion? Yes, exactly. Very good.

But can anyone see Canis Major? No? Not commonly known, is it? What about Lupus? Didn't think so.

They're right there, see that bright star? It's called Sirius. The Dog Star. That's how you find Canis Major. Then, a little over there...right there. That's Lupus. Not as visible now as it will be in June, but you can still see it.

Do you know what the names of those constellations mean? No? Canis Major is the greater dog. Lupus is the wolf. Both of them are animals. There are more animals in the sky, but...well, I'll tell you that later. But for now, look up again, look at all those stars. There's no moon tonight.

The story I'm about to tell you has been lost and forgotten among the world...but to us, it lives on. Do not tell this story to anyone else, for they would not understand.

It is on a night like tonight, a clear February night with no moon, and not a cloud in the sky, that our story begins.

* * *

"James! James! JAMES!" 

James looked up at the sound of his name. "WHAT?" he said irritably to the figure sprinting across the Common Room towards him. He had a five foot Potions essay to do, and he couldn't seem to get past the first sentence.

"Look at this! LOOK at this!" Sirius shoved a book in his face, pushing the meaningless essay out of the way.

James sighed heavily. "Werewolves are generally seen as highly dangerous to everything and everyone around them, but this is in fact not true. To other animals, they are perfectly safe. It is only to humans that werewolves are a threat," he read, "So?"

"SO! What do you mean so?" Sirius sighed heavily at James' blank expression, and shoved another book in his face. "Read this, you thick headed numbskull. I knew there was a reason people called me the smart one."

"You wish," muttered James automatically. Sirius didn't reply, as he was busy bouncing up and down impatiently, waiting for James to finish reading.

"The Animagus transformation is an extremely difficult process, and should only be attempted by fully trained wizards, but once accomplished, the witch or wizard can--BLOODY HELL!" James dropped the book like a hot coal, feeling his excitement build. "SIRIUS!"

"YEAH!" Sirius yelled back.

"Have you showed Remus?"

"He's in the Hospital Wing, you idiot."

"_Why?_ It hasn't been a full moon for ages!"

"After that hex Snape got him with? Are you kidding? He'll be there for at least a day."

"Then what are we doing still sitting here?"

"You're asking _me?_ I _said_ we should turn Snape into a multicolored tree frog, but nooo..."

James sighed impatiently. "Not _that_, you dolt. I meant this! We have to show Remus," he said, "Check and see if it's okay with him. I mean, if we're going to do this for him, we can't just--"

"Okay, okay, I get the point. But then can we turn Snape into a frog?"

"Of course we can."

"What? Why did you argue with me before?"

"Because the Head Girl was standing three feet away from us, you dolt!"

"Ohhhhh..."

"But first we have to talk to Remus. Now come on!" The two boys bounded out of the Common Room, Potions essay lying forgotten on the table.

* * *

"--and so, all we have to do is--"

"--the spell, and then, don't you see, we'll be able to--"

"--go with you, and you'll be calmed down, and we can have--"

"Great fun!" finished Sirius excitedly.

Remus blinked up at the two idiots sitting at his bedside, waiting eagerly for his response. "Um, guys--"

"Of course, it'll be complicated," James said quickly, "But--"

"That's the best part!" Sirius interrupted, "We'll be the youngest Animaguses ever!"

James rolled his eyes. "Animagi, Sirius."

"Yeah, Animaguses," Sirius agreed proudly.

Remus burst out laughing in spite of himself. "Don't you have to register and everything?" he reminded them.

The horrified looks on both the boys' faces were classics. "Register?" exclaimed James, "Have you lost your mind?"

"Do it the legal way?" said Sirius at the same time. "You're kidding, right?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Obviously not."

James caught the undertone in Remus' voice, and his face changed from playfully shocked to serious in a split second. "Remus," he said quietly, "We--" his voiced cracked, and he swallowed. "We know what it's like. Well, we don't, not really," he amended with a small grin, "But we have a pretty good idea. We don't want you to be alone. We want to help you."

"You'll be putting yourselves in danger," Remus reminded them, not bothering to hide the bitterness in his voice, "All because of me. What if I--" he felt his throat tighten and stopped quickly. "You couldn't do that, just for--"

"Oh, stop it," Sirius interrupted impatiently, "You're worth it, okay? If you weren't, we wouldn't be trying to convince you to let us do this."

"You are both too reckless," Remus cut in sharply, "I've told you all along you're going to get yourselves killed. Sometimes I'm just kidding, sometimes I don't put up much of a fuss because it doesn't really matter. But this--this is serious! This is your lives! This is the law! This isn't just some school rule...you could be put in Azkaban for this!"

"Remus--" James began.

"No, don't 'Remus' me, I'm not done. Listen to me for once, James, Sirius, there's one more thing. Yes, it's against the law, yes you could be killed, but I admit that you could avoid those things. But there's something more serious than that - no, don't use that pun on me."

Remus looked at James, then Sirius, dead in the eyes. "You two have a reputation for being reckless. You curse first years, you torture Snape, you show off in front of the whole school by hexing whoever happens to be in your way...and so far I've just let it go. But if you're going to become the youngest Animagi ever, especially if you're doing it for me, you have to promise me that you will not use it to cause mischief."

Sirius and James exchanged glances. "Ever?" Sirius said at last.

Remus sighed. "Clear it with me first," he conceded.

The other two boys brightened considerably. "Well, I promise!" Sirius said enthusiastically.

"Me too," James said after Remus looked at him.

Remus sighed and leaned back, only slightly reassured. "I'm still not sure," he admitted, "I can't believe you two would give up pranks and all that and attempt to do something this dangerous just because of me."

Sirius looked him in the eyes, and Remus met them, studying them critically. If one ever had any doubts about what Sirius was thinking, all they had to do was look in his eyes. They gave away his emotions without his even knowing; even the professors had picked up that if you everwanted to know what went on inside Sirius Black's head, all you had to do was look in his eyes and you would know if he was being devious or telling the truth.

Malfoy and Snape knew, and could always tell when they were winding him up. James knew, and used them to figure out what prank the boy was planning.

But only Remus knew how far the emotions in his friend's eyes went. Only Remus could spot true friendship, and only Remus knew pure hatred. No one else could tell the difference between dislike and hatred, acquaintance and real friendship.

Perhaps it was because Remus had spent so many hours learning to guard his own eyes. He had guarded his secret from the world since he was very young, and many years of experience had led to him being able to pull that veil over his emotions with little or no effort. He could only hope Sirius would never be like that; that his eyes would remain open and obvious for the rest of his life.

Now, Remus was using this skill to its full extent. Sirius' eyes were, as usual, open books. And in them, Remus read friendship. Friendship, love and loyalty...and he _cared_. He didn't _want_ Remus to suffer all this time. Remus read the helplessness, the feeling that he couldn't just sit there and wait while his best friend was tearing himself to pieces. And the excitement! The fun of becoming unregistered Animaguses--Animagi--and doing things beyond anything anyone thought them capable of.

Their friendship was on the line again, and Remus knew it. If he refused help, would Sirius abandon him? Remus squinted, studying Sirius' eyes, and grinned. No, Sirius would never. He would probably just do it anyway.

And in that moment, that small moment where everything teetered on the edge of life and death, Remus smiled. "All right then," he said, "But _be careful!_"

Sirius shot up, his fist punching the air. "YES!"

And their friendship not only left the line, but destroyed it completely. Because now James was holding Sirius back from jumping on Remus' bed and hugging him, and probably killing him in the process, and Remus was laughing, and Sirius was grinning, and James was looking excited, and Madam Pomfrey was yelling at them...and everything was so _right.

* * *

_

So, you see, children, that was how it began. What's that? You want _more?_ Oh, no, I don't think so. It's past your bedtime! Your mother will kill me if I let you...quiet, dear, you're not helping! No, I'm not telling the rest. You'll have to wait. What's that? I'm not telling you _when_, dear child! But I will tell you this. Watch the sky, child, every night. Watch it and tell me where the moon is and how it looks.

And when the moon is right, and the sky is right, I will tell you more of the story.

Now, to bed! Right now! All of you!


	2. Waxing Crescent

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Not even the bloody moon. Well, the spell is mine, sort of, but it's probably all wrong, and with my luck they're going to tell us how to really do it in book six and I'll have to re-write this AGAIN, soo...

* * *

HA! You think a flimsy horizontal line can stop me! FOOLS! I will rant all day! Rant rant rant! RANT! What? Interrupting the story? It's my story, I'll do whatever I want. Oh, wait, Mary Sue authors say that, too. shudder Fine. You win. On with the story.

* * *

Hmmm? What's that? Oh, you've been watching the moon? Ah, I see. That, children, is called a Waxing Crescent. You may as well remember that. The moon is advancing towards becoming a full moon. It will continue to wax until it does. The next part of this story revolves around a Waxing Crescent moon, too. This moon came about a week later; but this story takes place about a year later. 

You see, it takes a very long time to complete an Animagus transformation. Especially for three unregistered, untrained, unsupervised boys. What's that? No, you certainly may NOT! First of all, you'd get caught, and second of all, it's illegal! Don't even THINK about it.

Now, I want you to look up at the sky again. No, you needn't go outside, you can look from the window. Can you find the constellations I showed you last time? Yes, that's right. Canis Major and Lupus. Excellent. Now, come over here, and let's continue.

* * *

"There," said Remus, sprinkling the last of the leaves into the cauldron and stirring it three times more, "It's done." He couldn't hide the tremor in his voice, and he didn't bother to try. 

James looked into the cauldron suspiciously. "Not a very pretty potion, is it? It looks like boogers."

"Or like Snape's face," Sirius said brightly.

"That was disgusting," Peter piped up, "I thought it was supposed to be just his nose that was covered in them. And it was only supposed to last for ten minutes."

James shrugged, grinning. "Well, who cares? It was even better our way. Don't tell me it wasn't fun to see Snape covered in boogers for a whole day."

Peter shuddered. "If you say so."

"Anyway, Remus, are you sure you made it right? I'm not drinking anything that looks like snot," Sirius said stubbornly.

"It's supposed to," Remus said patiently, "And you needn't worry about drinking snot...once you get it, you add one of your own hairs, and it'll change colors."

"Hey, that's a really good idea," Sirius said suddenly.

"What's a good idea?" Peter said warily.

"Making Snape drink snot," James replied instantly. Sometimes it was uncanny, the way he and Sirius could read each other's minds.

"And where are you going to get all that snot, may I ask?" Remus inquired.

A revolted expression crossed both James and Sirius' faces. "We're not going to get any snot, dear Remus, we're going to transfigure his pumpkin juice. In mid-drink," Sirius explained condescendingly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Right. Sure. Whatever. Anyway, it's done. And you three _better_ be happy, you don't know how much time I've had to--"

"Sacrifice for this, if you're not grateful I'll hex you to next week, and how _could_ you have turned Snape into a tree frog just for _me?_" Sirius and James finished with him.

"Honestly, Remus, can't you think up a better lecture? You've been giving us that one for the last three years," James told him.

"You can say that again," Sirius agreed, "And for the last time, we turned Snape into a tree frog because he hexed your _nose _off! How do you live without your nose? Honestly. We _had_ to get him back."

"You sound just like my Mum," Peter told him.

"HEY! I resemble that!" Sirius protested.

Remus stifled a snicker. "You sure do," he agreed.

"Yes!" Sirius agreed proudly. Then he looked around at the way everyone else was smirking. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, Sirius," James said, pulling a book towards him. "Okay, it says as soon as the potion's finished, you have to let it sit for ten minutes. Has it been ten minutes?"

"Four," said Remus, checking his watch.

"Right. Why don't you time it or something?"

Remus nodded and fiddled with the buttons on his watch. "Done," he said after a few seconds.

"Okay, then we have to each drink it and then..." he made a face, "The hard part."

"The what?" Peter said, his voice squeaking in spite of himself.

James shot him a sympathetic look. "It's a combination of an advanced Transfiguration spell, a variation on temporary human transfiguration, and another spell, a special one...look at this, it's really long." He shoved the book towards Remus, who peered at it.

"Become one with nature...one with yourself...one with the earth..." he muttered.

"What? That's not what it says," James protested.

"It's Latin, James."

"I have to speak Latin?" Peter squeaked.

"We'll run you through the pronunciations, Peter, don't worry," James assured him, a little absentmindedly. He had moved over to sit beside Remus and was studying the text, his eyebrows wrinkled in a line as he concentrated. "Oh, I see. One with nature, one with yourself, one with the earth, one with your inner self...that sounds like something Trelawney would say..."

"Ah, class, today we are going to use clairvoyant vibrations and a hot sticky room to become one with _our inner selves_," Sirius said, putting on a misty voice. "No, Potter, I'm certain your inner self is not a piece of green cheese. Try harder, class! Try harder!"

"That would be disturbing, wouldn't it?" James said, raising his eyebrows. "Trying to do the Animagus transformation and turning into a piece of green cheese instead?"

Peter looked a little green himself. "Don't scare me like that."

"Nonsense, Peter, you won't turn into a piece of green cheese," Remus reassured him.

"I wonder what Snape would be," Sirius wondered.

"A slug, and I'd squish him," James replied promptly.

"I'd think a bat or something," Remus spoke up.

"No, bats are too clean," Sirius disagreed, "I like the slug idea. Snape the Slithering Slug..." he got a dreamy expression on his face "Just think..."

"Why'd you give him ideas?" Peter said reproachfully.

"If half the Slytherin Common Room shows up at breakfast tomorrow as slugs, it's your fault, James," Remus agreed.

"Ehehehehehehe..." said Sirius.

Peter backed away from him. "All right then..."

Just then, Remus' watch went off insanely. Sirius jumped out of his skin. "What was _that?_"

"My watch," Remus said calmly, turning it off, "It's been ten minutes." He grabbed three goblets and filled them each with some of the booger-colored potion. "There, now add one of your own hairs to it and drink it."

James and Peter both pulled out one of their hairs with little or no fuss, but Sirius made a face. "But that HURTS!"

"What, pulling out your hair? Just be thankful it isn't a tooth!"

"What's wrong, Remus? That time of the month again?"

"That's not funny, Sirius," James said, "Just take a stupid hair out, it won't kill you."

"What if I don't feel like taking a hair out?" Sirius retorted, sticking his tongue out.

"Fine, have it your way," James shrugged. "Here, Remus, hold this," he said, handing the hair he had just pulled out to Remus and heading towards Sirius.

"Wha--what do you think you're--HEY! Stop that! OWWWWWWWWWWWWW! That HURTS!"

"Oh, shut up," said James, handing Sirius his newly plucked hair. "You big baby."

"I am NOT!" Sirius whined, rubbing his scalp, but accepting the strand of hair. "What was the big idea, huh? The point was to get ONE, not shave me bald!"

"Oh, shut up, I only got one, you idiot," James said, taking his hair from Remus and dropping it in his goblet. "Hey, cool."

"What's cool?"

"It's shiny!" James said, showing him the potion, which had turned all red and gold.

"Gryffindor colors!" Sirius yelled, high-fiving James and dropping his hair in his own potion. "Hey, that's awesome," he said a second later, showing his potion to James. It had gone pitch black, except for the silver flecks all the way through.

"Add yours, Peter!" James said, curious to know how it would look.

Peter swallowed nervously, but obeyed. The potion turned bright yellow. In it was mixed specks of a deep red color, so deep they looked like flecks of blood. Somehow, Remus thought, they looked like Gryffindor colors, only...corrupted. But he banished that thought instantly. Peter didn't deserve that, and he was being mean.

"COOL!" Sirius yelled, "It looks like--"

Remus shot him a warning look, and kicked him.

"--cool red stuff," Sirius finished lamely, rubbing his shin. "Owww..."

"All right, you three, drink it already," Remus prodded, feeling nervous. What if it didn't work? What if none of them transformed? What if Peter turned into a piece of green cheese? He wouldn't be surprised, really, if he did. Peter could mess just about anything up. What if the animals weren't big enough to control the-wolf? What if--

He didn't have time to wonder much. The other three boys had just finished downing their potions. "All right, that's done," he said, a little testily. "Now for the spell."

"What do we do?" James said, pulling out his wand. The other two imitated his actions.

"Well, technically you're supposed to point it at yourself at say the spell, but I think it would work better if you stood like this, in a circle, and pointed your wands towards the middle. It's a standard way of combining and increasing power."

"Will it work with this, though?" Sirius said, moving into position with James and Peter.

"Probably, yes. Especially since you're not fully trained wizards yet. You've got a lot of power, but it's not fully developed. This will help focus it and get it to do what you want. It may not be a full transformation at first, but eventually you'll be able to transform completely and without the aid of wands."

Sirius nodded. "Do you always have to sound like a book?"

"Of course." Remus stood up from his position on the floor and moved towards the door.

"What're you doing?" Peter said, a little nervously.

"Just being paranoid. I really hope no one actually knows about this passage."

"They don't," Sirius said confidently, "I've never even seen anyone look in that mirror - they don't seem to realize it's there."

"Yes, well, it never hurts to be cautious," Remus said, "Especially with things like this. Okay, are you ready?"

"Wait, I don't understand the spell," Peter said, "What are we supposed to say?"

James grabbed the book and pushed it towards him. "There, it's right there."

"Maybe you should all say the spell a couple times before you actually do it," Remus suggested.

"Right, good idea," James said, and he and Sirius went to huddle around Peter, peering at the book and repeating the words aloud until even Peter knew exactly what to say. Meanwhile, Remus was still listening at the door and jumping at every tiny sound.

"Okay, I think we've got it," said Sirius after at least half an hour.

"Peter, do you know what to say?" Remus said, looking at the smallest member of their group.

"I--I think so," Peter said nervously, biting his lip.

"All right," said Remus, "You're almost ready then." He took the book away from them. "All right, so, you've got to get in a circle and all point your wands to the center...and then..."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"It doesn't say what happens after that. Just what you have to do."

"Well?" said James impatiently, "What do we have to do then?" He took the book from Remus.

"As the spell is being performed, look inside yourself for your own power supply, your source of magic. Focus on it, and let it flow through your wand and take shape," James read aloud, "Think about who you are, your personality, and important events in your life. This will help the transformation go smoother. The initial transformation will be difficult, and it may take hours to complete, but each transformation after it will become gradually easier, to the point where you will be able to do it without difficulty." He handed the book back to Remus. "Well, all right then. Let's get on with it."

"Wait," said Peter, "I don't understand what they mean by focus on your magic."

"You know the feeling you get when a spell goes right for you?" Remus said.

"When you held your wand for the first time?" Sirius added.

"When magic just comes pouring out of you, without even trying?" James said.

"Yeah...I think so..." Peter said hesitantly.

"Just focus on that," Remus told him, "Think about that feeling, think about your magic. And once you've tapped your magic, start thinking about yourself."

"What?"

James made an impatient noise. "About all your feelings, your family, things you've done...come on, Peter, it's not that difficult!"

"Can we do it now?" Sirius said.

"All right," Peter said, "But..."

"You'll do fine, Peter," Remus said kindly, "Now, lift your wands up."

All three of them obeyed, bringing their wands up in a circle, but not close enough to touch. "All right," said James, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "This is it."

"Which one is first?" Peter said, his voice cracking yet again.

"The long one," replied James without opening his eyes. "One...two...three."

_Fierite una cum natura_

_Fierite una cum terra_

_Fierite una cum tu ipsi_

_Fierite una cum tu intestinus ipse."_

A soft light began emitting from all three wands at the same time, stronger from the wands of James and Sirius than that of Peter. The light from James' wand was golden, Sirius' silvery, and Peter's a bright red, almost eerie sort of color.

_"Mutare Animalis," _they said together.

The clouds of light descended from the wands and went to surround their owners, so that James, Sirius and Peter were all covered in light so bright that for a moment, Remus had to turn his head away so he wouldn't be blinded by it.

When he turned back to look, the light had dimmed just slightly and all three boys had their eyes squinted and seemed to be concentrating very hard on something. Remus had no way of knowing what they were thinking about, but judging by the instructions in the many books they had read about the Animagus transformation, he assumed they were drawing on memories from their lives and, as one book the described it, "the things that make up the essential portions of one's personality that could be compared in some way to the normal behavior and disposition of an animal." Whatever that meant. That was the one good thing about not having to learn how to become an Animagus, in Remus' opinion. Unfortunately, the alternative was hardly a good one in any sense.

For a moment nothing changed. Then, as Remus watched in growing astonishment, slowly but surely each boy began to look different. Sirius' nose seemed to be getting longer, his hair shaggier, and something seemed to be growing on the top of his head. Peter seemed to get even smaller, and his eyes were smaller and more watery. Remus could have sworn he saw antlers growing out of James' head.

The expressions of extreme pain on each of their faces was enough to make Remus doubly glad he didn't have to do this - especially considering how long it was taking. He quickly became bored with watching the three of them transform so slowly, found himself checking his watch constantly, and saw that it had been at least an hour since they had performed the spell. However, none of the other three people in the room seemed to realize that it had been so long - they were completely focused on what they were trying to do.

With a sigh, Remus picked up the book that lay abandoned on the floor, wishing he had something else to amuse himself with. He absentmindedly flicked through the pages, looking up every once in a while to see how they were coming.

It was another hour before the light faded all of a sudden and Remus found himself staring at three animals in front of him. He closed the book with a snap and blinked at them, clearing the spots from his vision.

Staring back at him were a dog, a rat, and a deer.

But they weren't still for long. The dog began jumping up and down, running around in circles, trying to inspect himself. The deer was doing much the same thing, turning its head every which way, looking under its legs and behind its back. The rat, too, was running around in insane circles, climbing up desks and chairs and squeaking excitedly.

Remus laughed. "You did it!" He said, feeling almost as excited as they were. "Took you long enough!"

The dog barked his agreement enthusiastically, and jumped on Remus, licking him til Remus was sure he would smell like wet dog for a week. "Sirius! Get off me!" He protested, for after watching him try to transform for two hours, he knew which animal was which.

The dog jumped down and a look of intense concentration appeared on its face. It made for a very odd sight, especially when it began to slowly morph back into a human. Remus grinned. "Sirius Black, the black dog. How appropriate."

"Quiet, you," Sirius replied, but his grin was every bit as wide as Remus'. "Hey! You're a wolf, I'm a dog...CANINES UNITE!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Sirius."

Peter hopped down from the desk he was sitting down, where he had probably crawled while he was still a rat. "That was great!" he exclaimed, cheeks flushed and eyes shining. "I can't believe it worked!"

"I KNOW!" Sirius agreed loudly, "James, turn back already!"

The deer screwed up its face, looking exactly like James when he was faced with a particularly difficult task, and after a few minutes, turned back into James. "That was so cool!"

Sirius took one look at James and fell over laughing.

"What's your problem _now?_" James demanded irritably.

"I can't believe you're a _deer!_" Sirius gasped.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Oh, nothing..._Bambi._"

"What?" said Peter and James at the same time.

"Muggle movie," Remus and Sirius said together.

"A what now?" said James confusedly.

"How do _you_ know about Muggle stuff?" Peter said at the same time.

Sirius folded his arms stubbornly. "Well just because _somebody_ wouldn't take Muggle studies..."

"You only took it because you don't like your parents," James retorted.

"Quiet, Bambi."

"Oh, shut up, Sirius."

Remus snickered. "That should be our catchphrase: shut up, Sirius."

"HEY!"

"Shut UP, Sirius," everyone else chorused together.

Sirius pouted, dragged a chair over in the corner and faced the wall. "Fine then! I'll just go over here in my corner and plan my next prank to turn Snape into a slug all by myself...and send him to James' dormitory...all by myself..."

"It's your dormitory, too."

"Well your bed then! All by myself...I'll just sit here by myself..."

"Well, have fun by yourself then. We're going to bed," Remus told him, walking towards the door.

"To BED!" Sirius jumped out of his chair and stared at them in shock. "When we just became the youngest Animaguses ever? And you're going to BED? Are you NUTS?"

"Animagi, Sirius," Remus reminded him, "And we've been here for three hours, it's nearly two o'clock in the morning!"

"ANIMAGUSES! And we are NOT going to bed!"

"Well where do you suggest we go then, Mr. Animaguses?" James asked, folding his arms over his chest and looking at Sirius expectantly.

"I don't KNOW!" Sirius threw up his arms, gesturing wildly. "Hogsmeade! The Forbidden Forest! ANYWHERE!"

"I thought you became Animagi to help Remus, not to sneak out of Hogwarts," Peter reminded him.

"Yeah, what about me?" Remus protested, "I can't exactly turn into an animal at will."

"Oh, well, that's no good," Sirius groaned, "What's the fun in being a werewolf if you can't do it whenever you want?"

"There is no fun in being a werewolf," Remus snapped. Everyone jumped, and looked at him a little oddly; Remus _never_ lost his temper, even around Snape.

There was a short, uncomfortable silence. Peter fidgeted nervously, feeling the tension in the room thicken a little _too_ much.

"Well, anyway," said Sirius suddenly, "Helping Remus was the main point. Getting out of Hogwarts is just an extra. And he can take the Invisibility Cloak, right?"

"Oh, right," said Remus, rolling his eyes, "Because a deer, a rat and a dog all running around in Hogsmeade looks _so_ normal, right?"

"Ri--wait, you were being sarcastic, weren't you?"

"Yes, Sirius, he was being sarcastic," said James patiently.

"Right. I knew that."

"_Any_way, I don't know about you three, but I'm tired, so I'm going to bed," Remus said, yawning.

"HA! You weren't even doing any magic!" Sirius scoffed

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "I didn't see you brewing any potions. And anyway, it's TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!"

"Oh. Right."

Just then, Peter yawned widely. "I'm really tired, too."

"That makes three of us," James said, yawning also. "Sorry, Sirius, you're outnumbered."

"Oh, that is SO not fa--" Sirius started to say, but was interrupted by a giant yawn. Everyone laughed.

"Well, then, that makes it unanimous," Remus said, pushing the door open.

"Wait, let's get this on," James said, shaking the Invisibility Cloak on at them.

"That might be good," Peter agreed, and they all slipped under it and began padding back towards the Common Room.

"Moony...Wormtail...hmm, what could you call a dog?" Sirius muttered as they walked down the hallways.

"What's your problem now, Sirius?" James whispered back.

"I'm thinking up nicknames for us. Remus was already Moony, Peter is Wormtail, you're Bambi...what am I?"

"I am _not_ being Bambi."

"Well, you think of something, then," Sirius retorted.

"Prongs," Remus said suddenly.

"Huh?"

"His antlers. Prongs."

"That's brilliant, Moony! Now, what am I?"

"Let's see, a giant black dog...Trelawney would say you're a Grim," James told him.

"Moony, Wormtail, Prongs and Grim...somehow I don't think that works, James," Remus said.

"Blackie?" Peter suggested.

"That makes him sound like a stuffed animal," Remus said.

"Grim, stuffed animal...would you make up your minds?" Sirius said irritably.

"You could be Bigfoot," James said with a grin.

"Love you too, Prongs."

"Big foot...Padfoot!" Peter exclaimed suddenly.

Everyone turned and looked at him in surprise. "That's perfect, Peter!" James said.

"Perfect Peter...that has a ring to it," Remus mused.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs...I like it," Sirius decided.

"We'll be the Pranksters...no, that doesn't sound right," James thought out loud.

"We're not _just_ Pranksters, we're so much more!" Sirius protested.

"Well, what do we do? We play pranks, we sneak around the school at night, we steal food from the kitchens, we turn into animals..." Remus said thoughtfully.

"The Nighttime Crawlers? No..." said Peter.

"Intruders? Prowlers? Looters?" James suggested.

"Marauders!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly, "That's it! We'll be the Marauders."

"Brilliant. We're the Marauders. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs," James said decisively. "Pig breath."

This surprising statement got him no odd looks, as just then the Fat Lady swung open, admitting them into the Common Room.

They pulled off the Invisibility Cloak, looking around their empty room contentedly.

"Just think," said Sirius in a satisfied voice, "In a couple weeks, we'll be marauding all over the Shrieking Shack."

Remus shuddered. "Don't remind me. Let's go to bed."

"Aye aye, Cap'n Moony."

"Captain Moony...that has a nice ring to it," Remus said, heading up the stairs.

"You think everything has a nice ring to it," Sirius retorted as he followed him.

"Yessir," Remus agreed cheerfully.

Sirius grinned suddenly. "We're the canines, right, Remus?"

Remus grinned back. "Moony and Padfoot. Beware the dogs."

Sirius laughed. "What's that Latin thing you always say? Beware the dog?"

"Cave Canem," Remus said promptly, "But that's only one, we're two. Two dogs. Sooo...canes! Cave Canes."

Sirius grinned. "Cave Canes. I like it."

* * *

_What_? Yes, that's all I'm telling you tonight! I think that's quite enough, thank you! What do you want? Oh, I said _cave canes._ Say it again? Oh, honestly. Say the "ca" like you would in "car." Yes, perfect. There's a "v" in there, it just sounds like a "w" Yes, I know that's weird. That's the way it is. And say the "e" like "ay" in "way." Yes, that's right. "Ca-way." 

The "canes" part sounds the same in the beginning. Say "ca" like in "car" again. And the "es" is like "es" in "confess." Ca-nes. Cave Canes. Yes, it really does mean beware the dogs in Latin.

No, I will NOT tell you more now! You'll just have to wait. Watch the sky again, and tell me when the moon changes again. That's all I'm telling you now. Good night.


	3. First Quarter

Disclaimer: If JKR wishes to murder me for desecration of her marvelous invention, she is probably within her rights do so. Otherwise, let it be known to all and sundry that I didn't invent any of these characters, the story universe, or most of the plot. Carry on.

* * *

The phase of the moon has changed again. This phase is called the First Quarter. Do you know what that means? To be a quarter? No, not like the money. 

Yes, that's right. It's one fourth, like a half cut in half. Very good. Ah, yes, I know it _looks_ half full, but the moon isn't just two-dimensional...do you know what that means? Ah, very good...it's actually more like a ball. I know you see one half of the moon lit up, but in real life it's only one fourth lit up.

Now, to the story...this one begins a year later, the night of a full moon, after a certain disastrous occasion...what? No, actually it wouldn't make more sense to tell it after the full moon. Because, you see, this is the first big obstacle in a series of horrible events leading up to one big catastrophe...oh, you'll see what the catastrophe is. But that's a story for another night.

* * *

Sirius fidgeted in his chair, feeling that this interview couldn't end soon enough. It seemed suddenly hot and stuffy in Dumbledore's office, and the tension in the room was too thick for him. He couldn't lift his head without meeting Dumbledore's piercing, disappointed gaze, and he didn't dare look in James' direction at all. This was it. This was it, for sure. He had gone too far and they were never going to let him go back, and his parents were going to murder him, and he didn't even want to think about what they would do if they found out Remus was a werewolf..

"I have spoken to Master Snape," Dumbledore was saying, "And he as agreed to keep his silence. However, it was very hard for me to extract this promise from him. I will be very frank with you - if you provoke him any more, I highly doubt that he will keep it. Do you understand me?"

Sirius forced himself to look up and nod. He heard James say "Yes, professor" very quietly from his left.

"Sirius."

Dammit. He had to look up again.

"I do not need to tell you how disappointed I am."

"Yes, sir."

"You will have detention with Mr. Filch two nights a week for the rest of the school year."

Sirius stared. He had expected to be expelled. He deserved to be expelled. "You're not going to expel me?"

"And what reason would I give for doing so?"

Sirius tried to imagine his parents' reaction if they found out even a part of the truth behind the matter, and shuddered. "I see, sir."

"That is not the extent of your punishment. You will make a full written apology to Master Snape, which Professor McGonagall will read before delivering it to him."

An apology to Snape. Fantastic. Sirius felt he would rather be hung upside-down by his ankles like Filch was always threatening to do to him.

"You will also," Dumbledore was saying, "Go down to the Hospital Wing in three days and visit Remus."

Sirius had been staring at his hands again, but now he looked up so fast he thought his neck would snap. "No," he whispered. It was the worst possible punishment Dumbledore could have given him. He didn't want to look at Remus for another month at least. He didn't want to know what disappointment would be found there.

"I believe that will be all," Dumbledore said. "You are both dismissed."

"Wait," Sirius said, "Are you going to write to my parents?"

"For once, Master Black, I will not. I believe we should reveal the details of this incident to as few people as possible."

Sirius let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "Thank you, Professor Dumbledore."

* * *

They had barely left the office when James turned to him with the angriest look he had ever seen. "DAMMIT, Sirius! What the HELL were you thinking?"

"I don't know! I don't think I was thinking!"

"THAT'S obvious! I could kill you right now, I really could!"

"Look, I'm sorry!"

It happened so fast that afterwards, Sirius couldn't have told you how he did it - James reeled back and punched him in the eye, then grabbed his collar and shoved him against the wall. "Sorry? You're SORRY! What the hell good does that do me? What good does it do Remus?"

Sirius tried to answer and choked, so James relaxed his hold and let him go.

"I really am sorry."

"I don't bloody well care if you're sorry. Sorry does me no good."

"Well, then what the hell do you want me to do? Go back in time and not do it?"

James glared at him. "This is NOT funny."

"I know that! I'm sorry!" He didn't know what else to say.

"Don't apologize to me, you dolt. Apologize to Remus." And that was all James said before he turned on his heel and left, leaving Sirius standing alone in the corridor, feeling like dirt.

* * *

Sirius had never fully realized the meaning of guilt until the three evenings later, when he made his way to the Hospital Wing to talk to Remus. Just the sight of him lying there, bandaged and bruised and looking like death warmed over, was enough to make him want to swear an oath of priesthood for the rest of his life.

But that wouldn't undo what he'd done, and it wouldn't get Remus to trust him again, so it wasn't worth it.

His throat worked. "Remus," he said quietly.

It seemed like years before Remus' eyes finally opened to look at him. "Sirius," he said, "I didn't think I'd see you here."

"Dumbledore told me I had to," Sirius admitted, knowing that there was no use in making up a white lie.

Remus cracked a smile that looked so painful it was hardly a smile at all. "Wise man, Dumbledore."

"Yeah." Sirius took a deep breath. "How're you holding up?"

"Better. Madam Pomfrey took care of the broken bones, and in a few days my joints might not hurt every time I move a muscle."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

There was a silence that stretched on for hours, which was a new experience for Sirius. He had never felt tongue-tied around anyone, and especially not Remus. "I'm sorry," he blurted out finally, when the silence became too much to bear.

Remus just raised an eyebrow at him.

"James nearly killed me, you know." He pointed at his eye, which was still black and swollen. "I had to write an apology to Snape, and James made me take notes in all our classes so you wouldn't miss anything, and they're good, for once, I even got Lily to help me so they wouldn't look like chicken scratch. I've got them right here, you can keep them as long as you want. I begged all the teachers to let you take your tests later and they all said yes, so you won't be too far behind, I'll help you with your essays and everything, and dammit, Remus, say something!"

"You promised."

Anything but that. Sirius looked away, unable to meet Remus' eyes. "I know."

"I trusted you."

"I'm sorry."

"Of course you're sorry. You're always sorry, after you realize what the hell you've done. Dammit, Sirius, Snape could have died. And I know you don't like him all that much, but if something happened to him, what do you think would happen to me!"

"I didn't think about that."

"I know you didn't think about it. Sirius, even if he didn't die and I didn't die, you could've been expelled!"

Sirius looked at him in surprise. "I would have thought that would be the least of your worries," he said quietly.

"Sirius, do you know how many people in my life have found out about my condition and still talked to me afterwards?"

"How many?" Sirius said, feeling slightly curious.

"Five. My mother, my father, you, James, and Peter."

"Oh. Remus, I'm sorry." Every time he said it, he meant it more.

"You keep saying that. Stop it. You're forgiven."

Sirius stared at him. "You're not serious."

"No, you're Sirius."

"Remus..."

"I meant it. Stop beating yourself up about it. You made a dumb mistake, but it came out all right in the end, and it'll mend in time. There's worse things that have happened to me. Now, can I see those notes you were talking about?"

Five minutes later, Sirius left the Hospital Wing feeling three times more guilty than before.

* * *

James was watching him when he came into the Common Room that night. He took one look at Sirius' face as he sat down, and said, "He forgave you, didn't he?"

Sirius stared. "How did you know?"

James shrugged. "It's Remus. He's not the type to hold a grudge. He's too nice."

Every time Sirius thought it wasn't possible to feel any lower, someone drove the nail in deeper. "You know, it only makes it worse."

"That may be why he did it."

Sirius groaned and rested his head against the edge of the table. "I have to find some way to make him trust me again."

"Good luck," was all James said in reply.

* * *

"Class! Quiet down! Black, that means YOU!"

Sirius looked up at Sinistra with wide, innocent eyes. "Who, me?"

"Yes, you! Don't give me that look! Now, class, as I was saying, if you look closely enough, you can just barely see the outline of Lupus. Can anyone remember which constellation that is?"

Lily's hand shot up in the air, to no one's surprise. When Sinistra nodded at her, she quickly rattled off the answer: "_Lupus_, or 'the wolf,' is located between Centaurus to the the west and Scorpius and _ Norma_ to the east. In the north Lupus borders on Libra, and to the south it can be seen on top of Circinus."

"Very good, five points to Gryffindor," Sinistra said, "Now, can anyone tell me the mythology behind Lupus?"

Remus put his hand in the air, to the mild surprise of everyone. Remus was well known for doing all his schoolwork and getting good grades, especially in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but he preferred not to raise his hand in class. But he answered the question calmly, without looking nervous in the least.

"To the ancient Greeks and Romans, it was known simply as Therion, and Centaurus was thought to be offering it for a sacrifice," Remus said, "However, by the early seventeenth century, it was considered a wolf."

"Thank you, Lupin," Sinistra said, "Five more points to Gryffindor. Now, if you turn your telescopes--"

"Hey look Moony, it's you," Sirius was whispering to Remus.

"It's a constellation, Sirius."

"Yeah...it's you."

"Black, Lupin, please pay attention. As Miss Evans said, Lupus is located between Centaurus...can anyone tell me about it? Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Centaurus is supposed to be a centaur, and..."

* * *

"Sirius, please don't tell me you dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night to take me to the _Astronomy Tower_," Remus said as Sirius pulled him across the school grounds.

"Ew, Remus, your mind is dirtier than mine is! I'm not even taking you there! I just wanted to show you something!"

Remus shuddered. "Ewwww..."

"MOONY! GROSS! I didn't mean THAT! You have a dirty mind!"

"Yes, you already said that. Could you let go of my hand? You're cutting off my circulation."

"Whine, whine, moan, moan..." mumbled Sirius, but obeyed. "We're here anyway."

Remus looked around, then turned back to Sirius, one eyebrow raised. "_This?_ This is what you dragged me out of bed at midnight to see?"

"Yes, isn't it cool?"

"Sirius, it's a frozen lake in the middle of December. And it's _cold!_ What's so cool about that? It's Christmas Eve! You're going to wake me up at an ungodly hour of the morning tomorrow, and you pulled me out of bed this late to see _the lake?_"

"That's not what I wanted to show you, Remus. Look up at the sky."

"I'm looking. There's stars. The moon. First Quarter, I'll be a monster in about two weeks. Wow. So what. Can I _please_ go to bed?"

"Remus, you're impossible. You can see _all_ the stars tonight!"

"Right. All the stars. Wow. Lucky me. NOW can I go?"

"Remus, stop being a sarcastic, bitter wolf and just listen. Remember, Astronomy, last year, right before the end of term?"

"What about it?"

"Remember the constellation we saw?"

"Which _one_, Sirius? I haven't got a clue what you're talking about!"

"Lupus, you brainless wolf," Sirius said cheerfully. "Anyway, I was looking the other night, and - well, it's right there, see?"

Remus grinned. "Canis Major. There's your star, Sirius."

Sirius grinned. "Yep. We're in the sky, Remus."

"No deer or rat," Remus observed quietly.

"Yeah...just us canines."

"That's why you didn't force James and Peter out of bed, isn't it?"

"Remus," said Sirius softly, "It really is just us, isn't it? I mean, we're in our seventh year...James, he's in the seventh heaven now that he's finally won Lily over, they'll be married as soon as they're out of Hogwarts...and Peter..."

Remus sighed. No one was quite sure what was up with Peter. Some days he seemed perfectly normal, and some days he was just so...weird. "He's scared, Sirius," Remus whispered, "We all are. But we can take care of ourselves, can't we? But Peter..."

"He's Peter," Sirius said, a little dismissively. "We'll be there for him. He'll make it. But he'll be on his own more than he should, you know how his mother is."

Remus sighed and sat down on the cold, frozen ground, feeling himself shiver. Part of him wanted to conjure a fire or something, but he didn't want to ruin the beauty of the night with light, so he decided he'd wait a little while before trying. "So, James is all paired off, Peter is still figuring out what he wants with his life and here we are, sitting outside in the freezing cold air, discussing the stars."

"They're not even in the sky at the same time," Sirius was saying, as if thinking aloud, "Canis Major in the winter, and Lupus in the summer. Two completely different times. I wonder what that means?"

"Oh, well," Remus said with a smile, "We're not exactly far apart, are we? Same school, same dorm, same classes..."

"I wonder what it means, though. Will we be so far apart in the future? What if--Remus, what if something happens to us? All of us? Something that splits us apart?"

"Then that would be exactly what Voldemort wants," said Remus, his voice heavy. "I-Padfoot, you don't think-we're the only ones in the sky, what if we're the only ones left but we're separated and--"

Sirius shuddered. "That's scary, Moony." They were both quiet for a moment. Then Sirius turned to look at Remus. "I'm sorry, you know." He didn't need to explain what about.

"It's been a year, Sirius, when are you going to stop apologizing?"

"When you've forgiven me?"

Remus sighed heavily. "I forgave you a long time ago."

"When you trust me again, then."

"Trust takes a long time to build, with me."

"Then I'll keep apologizing for a long time."

"Anyone can apologize," Remus said quietly.

Sirius studied him. "I'll prove it to you, then."

"Good." Remus looked up at the sky, his eyes falling on the constellation of Canis Major. In his mind's eye, he could see Lupus just as clearly as the real thing. "Just us canines," he whispered softly.

"Cave Canes, Remus," Sirius reminded him, "We'll always be there, in the sky, no matter where we are in real life."

Later, Remus would remember this statement and cherish it for the rest of his life. But for now, he just smiled again. And yawned. "It's late, Sirius, can I go to bed now?"

Sirius' laugh rang in the night air, and all seriousness was abandoned instantaneously. "Hey, you feel like turning Snape's hair pink? Be a nice Christmas present, don't you think? Get what he deserves for staying the holidays here--hey, what if--"

Remus shook his head, laughed, and followed Sirius back into the castle.

* * *

Hmmm? What's that? Why can't you tell anyone? Ah, that's a very good question, dears, and I'm coming to it. Now, go to bed. You've been up late, and you have a busy day tomorrow. Good night! 


	4. Waxing Gibbus

Obligatory Notice: It ain't mine. It's JK Rowling's. You might have heard of her. She's a way better writer than me, why are you reading this crap?

* * *

Quiet, children. I know it is time for more of our story. Yes, tonight the moon is in its last stage before it will become full. Very good.

So far I have focused mainly on Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Tonight, they are in the story as well. They couldn't not be. But tonight I will begin with the story of another boy, a boy who affected the lives of his friends in many ways.

Tonight, I will begin with the story of Peter Pettigrew.

* * *

"Pettigrew, Peter!"

A small, blonde boy jumped wildly at the sound of his name, then promptly turned bright red. He had been busy staring at the ceiling and wondering what all those stars were, and how on earth they had done that, and if he would _ ever_ be able to do it. He had just made up his mind to ask someone as soon as he could when that sharp, demanding voice punctured his thoughts.

Quickly, he stumbled up to the hat, horribly afraid that he was wasting time. He had to stop daydreaming like that! One of these days he was going to get in loads of trouble. The nervous, fluttery feeling which had subsided while he was staring at the sky came back in full blast as he lifted the hat, painfully aware of all the eyes focused on him as he slipped the thing onto his head.

"Oh, difficult...very difficult," said a voice. Peter jumped out of his skin for the second time in two seconds. _ "Who are you? Where are you? Wha--_

There was the sound of chuckling. "No need to be afraid," the voice said, "I'm just a hat, after all."

Peter's fear was shoved to the side at this information. _Am I the only one who can hear you? _ he thought incredulously, _How? Do they teach us here? I--_

"My, you've got a sharp mind. Very curious, definitely...when you want to be," the hat added. "But you don't do too well in school, do you?"

Peter felt his face turn red. _It's not my fault!_ he thought frantically, _I tried, but...  
_  
"You just didn't understand," the hat finished. "Well, let's see, what else...a healthy amount of fear...and dear me, no self-esteem whatsoever. No friends, is that the story? No one liked you? Why not?"

His stomach dropped out at the memory. Everyone at his old school had made fun of him for his hair, his clothes, the way he talked...what was wrong with the way he talked, anyway? It was English, right? And anyway, if they hadn't made fun of him, maybe he wouldn't stutter...stupid idiots. If the teachers hadn't stuck up for him sometimes, he would have been totally miserable.

"Ah, I see," the hat said wisely, "My, my. You do seem to run with whoever's the strongest, don't you? Well, Peter, you've got a lot of potential, if you use it right. But Peter--a bit of advice to you? Choose your friends carefully. And don't be afraid to use your courage. It will be a great aid to you if you can find it and use it properly. Do you understand?"

_I--I think so,_ Peter replied, even though he had no idea what the hat was talking about.

"All right then. Better be GRYFFINDOR!"

Peter heard the word being shouted to the whole Hall, and he slid the hat off his head and turned to scamper towards the Gryffindor table.

"Why, hello!" Peter found himself face to face with one of the happiest, blackest pair of eyes he'd ever seen. "That was brilliant!"

"It--it was?" Peter said in confusion.

The other boy nodded enthusiastically. "Two minutes! I bet yours was the longest Sorting! What's your name?"

"Peter," he managed to gasp.

"I'm Sirius," said Sirius, "Isn't the sky _cool_?"

Peter blinked, surprised at this rapid switch in topic, and found his voice stuck in his throat. "Yeah," he managed, "I wonder how they did it," he added, more to himself than to Sirius.

"No idea," Sirius said cheerfully, "I just think it's cool. Isn't the moon pretty?"

"Waxing Gibbus," muttered a boy to Sirius' left.

Sirius shot him an odd look. "Whatta what? Oh, hello, James."

Peter looked up in shock to see another black-haired boy slide into the seat next to him. "Hi, Sirius," he said, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Who's your friend?"

"Says his name is Peter," Sirius said for him.

"Hi Peter, I'm James," James said cheerfully. "Don't let Sirius bother you, he's a dolt," he added, ducking Sirius' punch.

"Oh, this is Remus," Sirius said suddenly, gesturing to the short, sandy-haired boy sitting next to him, the one who had said something about the moon, "We met on the train," he added, by way of explanation.

"Hello," said Remus, "Just to warn you, don't believe a word Sirius says, he's probably lying. I've learned that much."

"You have?" Peter said, feeling his head spin.

James snorted loudly. "This idiot here tried to tell Remus his father is dead, his mother is in a mental institution, and he's been raised by his aunt who's been married six times, including one marriage with Albus Dumbledore, and another with Nicolas Flamel."

"Who?"

"Alchemist," Remus said calmly, "_Old_ alchemist. Six hundred some odd."

"_Six hundred?_" Peter said incredulously.

"Yep. So, don't believe anything he says," James summed up.

"I'll remember," Peter said, finding himself unable to do anything but grin.

"WHY doesn't anyone like me!" Sirius said, folding his arms and pouting.

"Because you're an insufferable git," James said promptly.

"Love you too, Potter."

"Thanks for sharing," Remus cut in.

Peter couldn't help it. He laughed.

* * *

James reached sleepily for the copy of the Daily Prophet, and looked at it through sleep-laden eyes. Then he sighed heavily. "There's been another one," he said thickly, through a mouthful of toast.

No one asked what he was talking about. There had been a string of killings spread over the last few days, and while it was rumored that some psychopath group was behind the attacks, no one was quite sure who it was. They did know one thing: after every killing, a bright green mark, a skull with a snake in its mouth, was left hanging over the attack.

Peter swallowed nervously. "W-w-who w-was it?" he stuttered, then mentally cursed himself. He could never speak clearly when he was scared.

James sighed again. "They don't know. Do they ever?" He added, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"No," Sirius said darkly, reaching for the pumpkin juice. "Remus, gimme the butter."

"So polite," Remus said sarcastically, handing the plate of butter to his friend.

Just then, Peter happened to look up at the Slytherin table. Lucius Malfoy and his cronies were all gathered around a newspaper, talking excitedly. Peter gulped, and tugged on James' sleeve.

"What?" said James, following Peter's gaze. When he saw what his friend was looking at, his mouth hardened into a tight, thin line. "Bet they know who's behind it," he muttered grimly, nodding towards the group of Slytherins.

Sirius looked up, and a dark shadow fell over his face. "Bastards," he said under his breath, then brightened. "They'll get what's coming to them, never fear. Just wait til next year, when we're out of Hogwarts, they'll see."

Peter couldn't help but swallow again. Sirius sounded so...sure. But...well, what if he was wrong? What if they _didn't_ get what was coming to them? He looked up at them again, studying their faces intently. They looked so excited. What were they excited about? Peter shuddered, deciding he didn't want to know.

"Sirius, please don't tell me you think you can single-handedly beat Voldemort," Remus said calmly, reaching for the jam.

"No, but I can help. And so can you, and James, and even Peter.

_Even_ Peter, Peter noticed bitterly. Always even. Never "James, Remus, Peter and Sirius." Always "James, Remus, Sirius, oh, and Peter, of course."

"I doubt the Ministry will want my help," Remus said delicately, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, quiet Moony," said James, "Dumbledore will let you work undercover if you really want to."

"I suppose," said Remus, but he sounded doubtful.

"He been bothering you?" Sirius asked offhandedly, taking a bite out of his toast.

Remus shrugged. "Not yet, but I have no doubt that I'll start getting threatening letters soon enough. If this Voldemort person's got any sense, he won't let the chance to recruit a mistreated, abused dark creature slide by."

Peter shuddered again at Remus' words. They were all so calm about it. How could they be so calm? People were _dying_ every day. Every day! And so far, the killings didn't seem to show any sign of letting up. They had already got the parents of seven people at Hogwarts, five in Gryffindor. That was hardly a coincidence.

Who knew who would be next? The victims were of Muggle and wizard heritage alike. What if his parents were next? Worse, what if _he_ was next? He would be leaving Hogwarts next year. No Sirius, Remus or James to protect him. What then? Would they come after him?

"Ah, well," Sirius was saying, "We'll see. In the meantime, anyone want to dye Snape's hair pink? He could use the embarrassment."

James grinned. "Can't let those Slytherins think too highly of themselves. Tonight?"

"You've dyed Snape's hair pink a million times," Remus protested, "You should dye it...oh, I don't know...purple, for a change."

"Purple braids, with pink bows," Sirius agreed, "I like it. And maybe we'll change their wardrobes around a bit...'wash me' on the back of their robes?"

Sirius and James dissolved into laughter, while Remus shook his head indulgently. Peter managed a small smile. Yet somehow, as they left the Great Hall and headed to Transfiguration, he couldn't shake the feeling that something dreadful was about to happen, or the image of the gleeful grins of the Slytherins' faces.

* * *

Sirius stepped up to the porch, biting his lip nervously. What on earth did James want to see him for? Normally he wouldn't have thought much of it, but today...he suppressed a shudder at the chill that ran down his spine. The note in James' voice when he had got the call...he shuddered outright at the thought. He had hoped he'd never hear that tone of voice in James, and now...he shook his head, trying to shrug it off, and knocked on the door.

It was flung open instantly. "Sirius!" James exclaimed, grabbing his old friend and dragging him in. "There you are!"

"Here I am," Sirius agreed cheerfully. "Hey, Lily," he added, winking.

Lily rolled her eyes and shifted Harry from one hip to the other. "Hello, Sirius."

"Harry!" Sirius cried happily, seeing the baby she was holding. "Dere's my itty bitty Marauder! You's a cutie, yes you are!" he exclaimed, snatching Harry from her. Harry giggled happily. "You love your godfather, don'tcha Harry? Don'tcha?"

James sighed. "Ten seconds inside my door and already Harry's reduced him to a babbling idiot. I think he's set a new record."

"Awww, but he loves me," Sirius protested, tickling Harry. Harry squirmed and squealed happily. "See?"

"Oh, stop torturing the poor child," James said, but he didn't sound angry.

Lily looked up at James, and their eyes met over Sirius' head. Sirius couldn't see them, but for a second he could have sworn the air in the room got colder.

He didn't have to wonder why for long. "Sirius," said James, his voice changing from playful to deadly serious. "We need to talk to you. Give Harry to Lily and come with me, please."

"Aw, but--" Sirius began, but he fell silent at the look on James' face. Silently, he handed Lily to Harry, who took him into an other room, and followed James into the living room. There, he sat down on the couch and waited.

A few seconds later, Lily came into the room, having left Harry secure in the next room.

"All right," said James, "We can begin, then."

"Begin--what?" Sirius said hesitantly.

James sighed heavily. "Sirius, we went to see Dumbledore today."

"Oh?"

"James and I have suspected for a while that Voldemort's after us," Lily said, sliding into the conversation easily, "Today, Dumbledore confirmed our suspicions."

"He said our best bet would be a Fidelius Charm," James added, "You remember what that is?"

Sirius nodded slowly. "It's for keeping a secret-you entrust your secret inside someone else, and it can't be found unless the Secret-Keeper gives it away," he recited, "But--James-Lily-who--"

"You, Sirius," said James steadily, looking Sirius in the eyes, "We want you to be our Secret-Keeper. Dumbledore offered, but there's no one I trust more than my best friend."

Sirius frowned, feeling self doubt overwhelm him. "Why me, though? Why not Remus or--or--"

"Remus is a werewolf," Lily said calmly, "Yes, I know that doesn't make him less trustworthy, but Sirius, think about it. Voldemort _wants_ Remus. He wants to recruit him. He's hunting him as much as he's hunting us. Remus may be trustworthy, but if the Dark Lord tortures him--Sirius, the man has enough stress as it is."

"We have a spy among us, Sirius," James reminded him.

Sirius sat up in shock. "You can't think--Remus--no way!"

"Voldemort's after him, Sirius," Lily reminded him, "Even if he's not giving up information willingly...we don't want to put extra pressure on him."

Sirius sighed heavily. "But I'm the obvious choice!" he protested, "Won't Voldemort suspect me first? I mean, I'm your best friend, it's not exactly a secret. What about--oh, I know!"

"What?"

"Peter!" Sirius said happily, "Why not make Peter the Secret-Keeper?"

"Peter...Secret-Keeper," said James slowly, as if the idea had just occurred to him.

"Yes! No one will suspect _him_ of being the Secret-Keeper. It'll be the perfect bluff! And we won't tell anyone, not even Dumbledore--everyone will think or suspect it's me--and we'll both go into hiding, and--"

James and Lily exchanged glances. "You know, Sirius," said James finally, "I think you may have a good idea."

* * *

Peter yawned, feeling his head cloud over. "Oh look, an owl," he said thickly, through his yawns. Through bleary eyes he could see that it was steadily growing darker. He should really go home now. He had been working far too late now, and it wasn't safe, these days, to stay out so late...

Still yawning, he reached for the note that the owl had dropped on his desk. In his exhausted state, he failed to notice that the owl was solid black.

Unrolling the parchment, he took one look at it, then frowned. It was blank. "Who on earth..."

All of a sudden, words began to appear on the parchment, letter by letter, as if an invisible person was writing them. Peter dropped the parchment like a hot coal, shuddering violently. "No..." he whispered, "Not them...not now..."

_Dear Peter,_

_It is us, your friends, again. How are you doing? Are your other friends treating you right? Is that werewolf behaving?_

_We're watching you, Peter. As your friends, we are concerned for you. You have been working late. Are you tired, Peter? Are you scared that we will get you?_

_Don't be scared, Peter. We never attack our friends. Because you are our friend, aren't you?_

_And friends tell their friends what they want to know. You have information we could use. Give it to us. We're your friends; are you our friend?_

_We are waiting for you, Peter. We are right outside your door. Let us in. If you are our friend, you will give it to us willingly. If you are not, we will take it anyway._

_Because if you are not our friend, you are our enemy. And you don't want us to be your enemies, do you?_

_Remember, Peter, friends don't attack friends._

_But enemies attack enemies._

The letter was not signed, except for the black, ugly mark at the bottom. The words lay on the parchment, shimmering, for a few seconds, then slowly began to dissolve. When all the words were gone, the parchment disappeared with a soft "pop!"

Peter watched it, shivering violently, for a few seconds.

Then he went to open the door.

There, as expected, were three, giant masked men, in dark, menacing robes. "It's about time," one rumbled, "We thought you weren't coming."

Peter could almost see the nasty smile behind the man's mask. "W-wh-what-what do you w-want?" He stuttered, cursing his stammer mentally. It always came back to get him whenever he needed it the least.

"You know what we want," the Death Eater said in a low, confident voice. They had already discussed this. It was true; Peter knew what they were here for.

"I--I--c-can't--Crouch--"

"Crouch _what_, Pettigrew?" the Death Eater snapped, sounding impatient. The two hulking figures on either side of him were silent, but still dangerous.

Peter trembled violently. He couldn't stop it. "He-l-l-locked the c-cabinet-"

"But surely he told you how to open it?" the other man said confidently, "Since you work in this office, and all--and I'm _sure_ you don't want to disappoint us-after we've come all this way, it would be a shame, wouldn't it, if we had to _force _you to--"

Peter sighed. It was no use. "He--he told me," he admitted, pulling out his wand. "But--"

"But what, Peter?"

Peter hesitated, wand hovering over the cabinet uncertainly. "W-what do you need this for?" he asked, gathering up his last strands of courage. "I mean, since we're - ah - _friends,_ can't you tell me--"

Had Peter been able to see behind the Death Eater's mask, he would have seen a rather unnerving smile. But he couldn't see, so he didn't know. "But you have other friends, Pettigrew," he reminded him, "What if they found out? We can't put ourselves in danger. No, Pettigrew...when they are gone, then we might tell you. Until then..."

Peter shuddered. _ When they are gone._ The words hung ominously in the air. _James,_ Peter was thinking, _Sirius! What if--_

"Pettigrew, the information," the Death Eater was saying, a mite impatiently, "Give it to me."

_They're gonna get them, oh my God, they're going to..._Peter's head was whirling, but he obediently muttered something at the cabinet, pulled it open and found out the files they had asked for. Then he turned around, and held them up, just out of reach. "What are you going to do to them?" he asked, fear making his voice shake.

"You'll see," said the Death Eater, forcing his voice to remain patient. But then he leaned close to Peter, so that the man's eyes were two inches from Peter's own. "But we will leave you alone, Pettigrew," he whispered, his soft voice taking a dangerous edge, "That is..._if_ you are with us. Now give me those files." He held out his hand, and Peter gulped and handed them the papers he wanted. "Thank you," he said, then turned to leave, his fellow Death Eaters following him like giant, dangerous guard dogs.

Peter watched them go, and it was not until they were about to open the door that he found his voice again. "Wait," he said in a strange, strangled sort of voice. The Death Eaters turned to face him again. He cleared his throat nervously. "Wait," he said again, more clearly this time.

"Yes?" said the first Death Eater.

"W-what do you want with me?"

The Death Eater's eyes glittered dangerously behind his mask. "Your information," he said, "The Dark Lord knows you...knows who you are. He knows how...valuable you are. He wants your friendship."

Peter stared at him, his voice leaving him out of pure shock.

"You are of great value, Peter Pettigrew," the Death Eater said, following up on his lead, "You may yet be spared if you act...wisely." With that, he and his companions turned and left the room.

Peter could only stare at them, mouth hanging open in surprise. They wanted..._him?_ Someone _wanted _him? He sat down, hard, in his chair. It was impossible, he decided. No one had ever..._wanted _him. And yet, that Death Eater had said he was valuable. Valuable! It was a new feeling, and not an altogether unpleasant one.

For the first time, Peter began to seriously consider...well, joining them. If they wanted him...if he was valuable...

Suddenly, his stomach dropped. They were going to kill his friends. His best friends. _Sirius_, Peter thought desperately, _James. Lily. Harry. Remus._

But if he stood in their way, if he didn't help, would they kill him, too? Peter shuddered, knowing the answer immediately. Of course they would. They would kill him, and all his friends, in a heartbeat.

Was it time to change his friends?

_"Well, Peter, you've got a lot of potential, if you use it right. But Peter--a bit of advice to you? Choose your friends carefully. And don't be afraid to use your courage. It will be a great aid to you if you can find it and use it properly. Do you understand?"_

Peter shook his head to clear it, wondering why he was remembering _that_, of all things. He had never truly forgotten what the Sorting Hat had said to him. He had often wondered what it had really meant by that - and he was never truly sure. He had tried to figure out what it meant by his courage, and he just didn't know. _What courage?_ Peter thought bitterly, _I have no courage. I'm not brave. Sirius and James and--even Remus, are brave. Not me._

_Choose your friends carefully._

Peter sighed, looking out the window, at the black night. _Waxing Gibbus,_ he thought automatically, _Full moon's next, and I'll be_--no, that wasn't right. He wouldn't be with Remus for a while. He was too busy.

His glance left the window and wandered over to the still open cabinet next to him. Was this what it meant by choosing his friends carefully?

Somehow, he doubted it.

And anyway, it wasn't like it mattered. His - _other_ - friends never told him anything important, anyway. He would just have to separate himself from them a bit. That way, it wouldn't be his fault if he didn't know anything about them, he told himself firmly.

But there wasn't much of a choice, was there?

Peter picked up his wand, closed and locked the cabinet, turned off the lights, and left his office.

* * *

Peter felt a shiver run down his back. "You want me to _what?_" he squeaked, his voice going up a notch in pure surprise.

James and Lily exchanged glances. "We want you to be our Secret-Keeper, Peter," Lily said gently, "It was Sirius' idea."

"Sirius--what--" Peter sat down, feeling faint. "You can't be serious," he said weakly.

"No, Peter, we _are_ serious," said James earnestly, "We really want to do this. It'll be the perfect bluff, you see. Everyone will think it's Sirius, and the whole time, it'll be you. Voldemort will never suspect you."

Peter flinched at the sound of the name, and felt his ears grow red. How very wrong they were. "I can't," he said, finding his voice, "Remus--or--or Sirius, or Dumbledore--just--not me," he said earnestly, silently willing them to understand how dangerous it would be for them to trust him.

"We thought you would say that," Lily said with a smile. "But listen, Peter. We trust you. We trust you just as much as Dumbledore, or Sirius, or Remus."

"We can't get Remus to do it," James put in, "You know Voldemort's after him."

Peter shuddered. Yes, he did know. He knew all too well. "But--"

"We can't ask Dumbledore to do it," Lily added, "He has far too much work on his hands as it is."

"No--but--" Peter stammered, trying to find the right words to convey to them that he _couldn't_ do it. "Really, I--you shouldn't trust me, what if the Dark Lord finds out, you know how I am, and--"

"But he _won't_, Peter," James said earnestly, "That's the thing. You and Sirius will both go into hiding, and we'll tell everyone who needs to know that it's Sirius, and Voldemort will think that, too. He'll never suspect you."

Peter sighed. They really were set on it, weren't they? And Voldemort...he had to keep a smile off his face at the idea. Imagine the look on his Master's face when he found out that Peter had the information he valued the most. "All right," he whispered, "What do I have to do?"

* * *

And that's it. What? Oh, be quiet. I'm not telling you more til the next moon phase. No! I will NOT! HUSH! Oh, I know I'm horrible. That's the point. Of course I'm being horrible to you. My father did it to me, just like his father before him, and so on. That's just how it is. Tradition, you know. Tell a story and leave your listeners hanging onto every word, and end with an awful cliffhanger. Oh, stop whining, I'm being sarcastic.

Now, go to bed. It's very late...this is a long story. Yes, I promise I'll continue at the full moon.

Which, children, is when the story _really_ begins.


	5. Full Moon

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to - and is all the fault of - Joey Potter, who drew me a wonderful, wonderful picture of chapter three, and thus inspired Inspiration to get off its fat lazy ass and let me write this chapter.

I'm almost positive that I took a line from someone's story in this chapter, but I don't know where it came from. The stories all get mixed up in my mind, and then when I write their influence comes out without me noticing...and I'm pretty sure this time the line is from a story. I'll do my best to fix it if anyone objects.

Disclaimer: Not mine! J.K. Rowling's! Bow to her, for she is Awesome.

* * *

The time of the full moon is an almost magical time, children. More magical than any other night of the year. More magical, more symbolic...and more deadly. The full moon brings a change; the dying of old things, and new things beginning. It is the turning point, the time when everything changes.

The things that happen in the story I will tell you tonight did not happen in the full moon, but they are like the full moon in many ways. This is the turning point. This was the time that set the stage for everything that happened ever afterwards. We've had the buildup; it is time for the climax. So be quiet, get comfortable in front of the fire, and listen closely.

* * *

Remus hated mornings. He just did. At night, he didn't have to _think._ He could close his eyes in the darkness, where everything was quiet and hidden, and go to sleep, and nothing would matter anymore. He didn't have to worry about anything, because he wasn't awake to worry. All his fears, all his worries, just melted away, melted into the thick blackness, the blackness that covered him and enfolded him and hid him away from the world, from the cruel daylight. The horrors that followed him constantly during the day were no more...there was nothing but sleep, beautiful innocent sleep.

But in the morning, when he opened his eyes and let the daylight come flooding in, his thoughts began to solidify...that was what he hated. His mind, fuzzy and dreamy from sleep, would begin to wake up, and with consciousness came sorrow, and the sorrow and the worry was what Remus hated most. When his mind got back into that sharp, clean, _aware_ state, his troubles came rushing back in full force.

It was especially bad today, as the headlines came rushing back. And with the headlines, came the memories. The faces of James and Lily; James laughing, Lily laughing, James running after Lily, Lily holding Harry yesterday, and the day before that. When Remus opened his eyes, the headlines practically did dances in his head Dumbledore's face swam in front of his eyes, informing him solemnly of what had happened. The words of the articles, which he had memorized almost word for word, came flooding into his mind...it hurt to think about it. He tried to shrink from them, tried to make them leave, but they would not go. And even as he tried to make them go away, there was the shame of wanting them to leave, and it only made it worse.

On this particular morning, Remus was sitting at his table, drinking his tea, hating the morning, and trying not to read the paper because it would remind him of everything again. It was a nice morning, he supposed; it was a little gray, but it was the kind of gray that tried to be gloomy and nasty, but didn't quite succeed. You could tell the sky was trying to be blue, and most likely it would be by noon. But at the moment, it was a nice, solid gray - and it wasn't helping Remus' mood in the least. There was a full moon coming soon, and while it was still a few days away, Remus could already feel himself starting to get off-color.

An owl flew in the window, with a letter tied to its leg. Remus dropped his cup of tea in a furious clatter of dishes, and an extremely wet table, but he didn't notice the table quite so much as the fact that it was Dumbledore's owl. It was kind of sad, that he had learned to recognize it because he had seen it so many times in the last few days, but it was the truth. His heart thudded impatiently; he hadn't heard from Sirius since the attack, and he was deathly afraid of what had happened.

Of course, he supposed he could use the--but no. That was only for emergencies, and in any case it wasn't a big deal; he would hear from Sirius soon enough. Just because he hadn't heard from Sirius recently didn't mean Dumbledore was coming to tell him something had--Remus stopped his thoughts quickly. Not now, not today. Just...no. Calmly, he reached out and untied the letter from the owl's leg.

_"Dear Remus,"_ he read,

_"I would like you to come and see me as soon as you get this. I have some news for you, and I must tell it to you face to face. You must hurry, Remus. This is urgent. You may Floo into McGonagall's office; she is expecting you. She will tell you the password to my office._

_-Albus Dumbledore"_

Remus stood up so quickly that the owl fluttered up in surprise, hooting indignantly. He ignored it, and stalked over to the fireplace, throwing a big pinch of powder into the flames. "Professor McGonagall!"

She turned around in a hurry, seeing his head in the fire. "Remus! Oh, good, Dumbledore said you would call. What is it?"

"I...I need to Floo into your office, would you open it up?" Remus' stomach was tightening most unpleasantly, and he was sure his face was white. He tried to stop it, but all the logic in the world could not convince him that nothing was wrong with Sirius. The last time he'd had this feeling, Sirius had almost fallen through the ice in the lake at Hogwarts and died, and now it was even worse, and--wait, McGonagall was saying something, wasn't she?

"Remus? Remus!"

"I--what?"

"I said, I'm about to say the spell. Are you all right? You look pale."

"I'm fine. Just do it, please."

McGonagall nodded, pointing her wand at the fire and muttering something at the flames. This had been Dumbledore's idea to keep people from coming into Hogwarts on the Floo Network unauthorized. He had set up a remarkable system, so that each fire in each Hogwarts office had to be opened by the teacher whose office it was, specifically for one person, and one person only. Only a few people had fires even connected to the Hogwarts Floo Network. It was a good system, and had saved many lives during the war.

All this ran through Remus' head in a split second. He stepped through the fireplace, with the odd feeling that he was having an out-of-body experience. It was like he was watching himself from the outside, saying something to McGonagall, walking numbly down the halls and up to Dumbledore's office...

"Remus! There you are!"

"Yes," said Remus. His throat was tightening unpleasantly. "What's wrong?"

Dumbledore sighed. "I hoped you would have known. It would have made it easier on me."

"It's a full moon in a few days," Remus explained shortly. "I've been feeling--" he stopped short at the look on the other man's face. "Dumbledore--_what happened to Sirius?_"

Dumbledore started. "How did you know it was--"

"Dumbledore!" Remus was surprised at his own sharpness, but the fact that his stomach was doing a nasty gymnastics routine wasn't helping at _all_.

The other man sighed wearily, and it suddenly it struck Remus how _old_ he was. He had never really thought of Dumbledore as old--and now he looked old, and world-weary. "We found him, Remus. He was--he went after Peter."

The out-of-body experience feeling intensified. "Peter?"

"He found him on...on a Muggle street, and Peter yelled something about Lily and James, and Sirius pulled out his wand--and the street exploded, and Peter--" Dumbledore swallowed. It was the first time Remus had ever seen him struggle for words, and he hoped with his whole heart it would be the last. "They found his finger," he said, "His little finger. And Sirius--stood there and laughed."

Remus felt his whole world come crashing together in one sickening crunch. He no longer felt like he was watching himself from the outside. Instead, he felt like reality was boring into him, hard and fast. "No..." he gasped.

Dumbledore nodded, and his blue eyes, which normally hid a reassuring twinkle, were dead and sad. "They took him to Azkaban. Without a trial."

"No...that's not...Sirius--couldn't have--"

The older man's eyes closed, as if in pain. "Yes, he did."

"No! Not Sirius!" Remus yelled wildly, his eyes frantic with emotion. "No!"

"Remus..."

Remus felt anger bubbling inside him, anger he had never known before in all his life. He had always been placid and calm--the voice of reason in his friendship circle. But, as always, when the quiet one gets mad, it is worse than anything else. "Don't 'Remus' me, Dumbledore! Sirius would NEVER do that! NEVER!"

"All the evidence points in that direction," Dumbledore said slowly.

"Well the evidence is wrong," Remus snapped. "Goodbye, Dumbledore." He left the office, slamming the door behind him and not noticing the worried look Dumbledore gave him as he left.

Remus went home to his small cabin and stormed around it, his heart and brain caught in a terrible struggle. Memories of Sirius were running through his mind like wildfire. Sirius' eyes lighting up with laughter as he played another prank on Lily...Sirius and James joking around endlessly about Snape...Sirius turning into a dog at the full moon, just to help Remus...Sirius holding Harry gently in his arms, looking at him with an expression almost equal to the one in James' eyes when he looked at his son...Sirius looking distinctly out of place in a tuxedo at James' wedding, as the best man...

Remus looked down at the table, disbelief filling his mind. That just didn't seem like the Sirius he knew. It just didn't. It couldn't be. It was all a joke, Sirius was in on it, it was all a joke, it had to be...

And Peter! Sirius had _murdered_ Peter! Remus' mind swam in disbelief.

_"He's Peter," Sirius said, a little dismissively. "We'll be there for him. He'll make it. But he'll be on his own more than he should, you know how his mother is."__  
_

Remus shivered. Was that a warning of what was to come? Had Sirius been hinting at something? _"NO!"_ he told himself angrily, _"Stop thinking like that!"_ But he couldn't help it. His brain reeled backwards in time, through memories of Sirius, memories of Peter, looking for clues to point at this weird, unexpected behavior.

Peter! It was all too much! No, Dumbledore had to be wrong, Remus decided. Sirius simply couldn't do that. Yes, he got angry, yes he had a temper, but Sirius would never kill anyone...would he? NO, he wouldn't. He loved life, loved it too much. How many times had he seen Sirius make fun of Snape and Malfoy and their gang? And everyone with an ounce of sense knew they were Death Eaters. Sirius would never go over to them, never in a million years...would he?

It didn't seem possible, but doubts filled Remus' find nonetheless. He hadn't seen Black for a while, maybe he had...Remus tried to keep the suspicions out, but they came in. Maybe Sirius had gone over to Voldemort. Maybe, maybe, maybe. There was a spy, wasn't there? Maybe it was Sirius. He had seemed distant in the past few days, avoiding Remus whenever possible. Maybe...

_"No,"_ Remus told himself again, _"I won't believe it. I WON'T!"  
_

...Or would he? Doubts filled his mind like a poison. Maybe he hadn't known Sirius as well as he thought he had. Maybe it was all a fake. An act. Remus sighed, feeling betrayed. Betrayed and lonely...so lonely. A tear trickled down his cheek, in spite of himself...and then, without warning, he sat down, buried his head on the table and cried. Cried for the first time since he was six years old, let the tears, the stress, the betrayed feeling, spill out all over his arms onto the table and out of his soul. It wouldn't erase the pain, but it would ease it, for now.

* * *

Darkness. Blackness. ...Blackness. There was something about the word "black." What was it? He didn't know. He couldn't think. He could feel his brain just...deteriorating, already. It wasn't gone yet, but it would be. If he could have laughed hollowly, he would have. But he couldn't. He could only sit there in the darkness.

It was so dark in Azkaban at night. _So_ dark. Darkness crept in on you, enfolded you, stifled you til you couldn't breathe and the air was thick with memories, dark memories and blackness so black you could cut it with a knife.

Lily! James! I didn't mean it! I didn't! It's all my fault, and I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it, forgive me, I didn't mean it...it was Peter...

Peter. Stinking rat. But he couldn't blame it on him, it was all his own fault, and...

Wait. Rat.

Rat. Rat...rat? RAT!

WOLF!

Remus! Remus, I didn't mean it, you think I did it, you think I betrayed them, I didn't, I didn't, but I did! "Remus!"

The last word came out as a desparate, hollow cry, that rang out in the darkness but didn't break it, made it thicker, made it blacker..."Remus," he whispered, his throat choking up.

You think I did it, you think it's my fault, you hate me, you hate me, how can you hate me, I didn't do it, but I did, I'm so sorry, don't hate me, Remus, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it Moony, I didn't mean it, Prongs...

Wait. Moony. Prongs. JAMES! James, I didn't mean it...I'm so sorry...

Sirius shook his head, trying to clear it, trying to shove the guilt, the pain and the sorrow out of the way, so he could remember what was so important about "wolf."

Wolf...rat...FILTHY rat, but it's not all his...no, stop that...stag...JAMES! I didn't mean it! I...no!...what was the other one? DOG! Dog, dog, what was the thing about dogs, why...

With a pop, Sirius became Padfoot.

Dog thoughts were easier than human thoughts. Less guilt. Animals didn't understand guilt.

Before, seeing in black and white had bothered Sirius a bit, not being able to see a color. But it didn't matter now. Everything was black anyway.

Wait. Not all black. His dog eyes were sharper than human eyes, and they caught a glint of light from the wall.

Wall. Window. Night. Darkness...MOON! Padfoot almost gave a yelp of surprise, but he caught himself. Moon, Moony, WOLF. Wait...moon. Wolf. Moon, wolf...it was a full moon! It wouldn't be that bright if it wasn't.

Suddenly, a loneliness more intense than he had ever felt before filled Padfoot's small, doggish heart. The wolf was gone. Where was the wolf? Padfoot ran around in circles, feeling like his stomach had just dropped out of him. Moony should be here! Where was Moony? He was alone...alone...so alone...Padfoot tilted back his head and howled, a long, mournful howl that could be heard miles away across the icy river surrounding the island.

And, somewhere, far away, another howled answered it, even longer and more mournful than the first.

With a few helpless grunts, Padfoot turned around three times, lay down on the cold stone floor and put his head between his paws. Just before his eyes close and he drifted off into a fitful, unpleasant sleep, one more thought crossed his mind; the first coherent one he'd had in weeks.

_My name is Sirius Black, and I am innocent.  
_

* * *

Remus rolled over in bed, groaning heavily. God, that had been painful. He hadn't had such a painful transformation since he had been going through puberty. Sunlight was streaming through his windows, and a glance at the clock told him it was noon. _"Ah, the joys of being unemployed," _he thought bitterly. Well, there was no use hiding from it. He had to get up; once Remus was awake, nothing short of tranquilizers could put him back to sleep. With another groan and a valiant attempt to get out of bed without making anything hurt more - this last failed miserably - he got to his feet and began pulling on his robes.

Ten minutes later, he had decided that being awake was highly overrated. So was breakfast. Usually he was starving after such a long and painful transformation, but today there seemed to be a lump in his stomach that made it impossible to swallow his eggs and sausage; and it didn't take a genius to know why. Feeling sick, he shoved the plate away, downed some orange juice and went to get his cloak. He needed a walk. A _long_ walk.

He had wandered aimlessly in the woods for about twenty minutes before he realized which direction he was heading in. Yes, he knew where he was going...with a sigh, he Apparated quickly to the spot. There was no use avoiding it, and walking would have taken him hours; no, he might as well get this over with while he still could.

Though he knew what his eyes would be met with, Remus still winced at the sight of the charred house. His stomach surged with hate, but he wasn't sure whom it was directed to. Voldemort and the Death Eaters would have been the easy answer, but now he was afraid he might have to extend that to Sirius...and he WOULDN'T! He couldn't hate Sirius. He would never hate Sirius. Feel betrayed by him, maybe. But not hate. NOT hate.

Shaking his head to clear it, Remus began a half-hearted inspection of the grounds. He knew there would be none of their possessions left; the papers had said as much. He was half surprised to find so little press there, but he assumed that this was partly the work of Dumbledore, and partly because the story had lost some of its novelty...not all of it, but some. But even though he knew his search was fruitless, something told him to keep going.

For a while he saw nothing but scorched grass and mud. He was just about to give up his search and go home when a silver-colored glint caught his eye.

Automatically, he reached for the chain around his neck. It didn't have an ounce of silver in it, but was a silver colored metal...and if his guess was right, the chain lying on the ground, half covered by grass, was of the same metal.

Cautiously, he bent down to inspect it, without touching it. He couldn't take any chances. Then he gasped aloud and lifted up the chain. "Oh, Sirius..." he murmured softly. Dumbledore had told him that Sirius had been there, the night Hagrid had come to take Harry away. He must have dropped it then. Why, Remus could only guess. Had he known he was going to Azkaban? Had he left it as a symbol of their forgotten friendship? Or had it simply slipped from his fingers?

Even though he knew exactly what the necklace was, he studied it intently. On the silver chain hung a small charm, flat on the bottom and rounded on the top, just as the sky appeared when you looked up and saw it over the earth, perfectly bowl-shaped. In between the rounded glass on top and the flat bottom, Remus could make out several silver dots hanging in midair, in the perfect shape of the constellation Canis Major.

_"They're not even in the sky at the same time," Sirius was saying, as if thinking aloud, "Canis Major in the winter, and Lupus in the summer. Totally different times. I wonder what that means?"_

_"Oh, well," Remus said with a smile, "We're not exactly far apart, are we? Same school, same dorm, same classes..."_

_"I wonder what it means, though. Will we be so far apart in the future? What if--Remus, what if something happens to us? All of us? Something that splits us apart?"_

_"Then that would be exactly what Voldemort wants," said Remus, his voice heavy. "I-Padfoot, you don't think-we're the only ones in the sky, what if we're the only ones left but we're separated and--"_

_Sirius shuddered. "That's scary, Moony."_

Remus shivered, the bright sun suddenly feeling cold as if it was December instead of early November. Scary, indeed. Sirius hadn't known how right he was.

With a sigh, he drew out his own, identical amulet...identical except for the fact that the constellation was Lupus. The amulets had been his own idea; it had been something Sirius said that inspired him to do it, and while Sirius complained about the fact that it was sissy, Remus knew he wore it always, under loose robes so that no one could see it. And anyway, he had done his best to make the chain look...well, manly.

_"Cave Canes, Remus," Sirius reminded him, "We'll always be there, in the sky, no matter where we are in real life."  
_

"Cave canes," Remus muttered to the amulet, pointing his wand at it. Instantly, the picture in it shifted to show the most depressing picture of Sirius he had ever seen. He was leaning against a wall, his hair matted and tangled, his clothes torn and raggedy...but the worst part wasn't his clothes, or his hair, or even the disgusting state of the cell. No...it was the look on his face. Remus felt a lump rise in his throat at the sight. He had never, in all the time he had known Sirius, seen him look like that. Sure, he had been serious or angry sometimes, but most of the time he was laughing...and even if he was being serious, he was still...well, Sirius. The laughter and mischief was always still in his eyes, hidden underneath a mask of seriousness.

But this Sirius was almost scary. He hadn't even been in Azkaban very long, and his eyes were already getting the most deadened, miserable look Remus had ever seen in his life. He shuddered again, and tapped the amulet. The picture went blank, and returned to its usual pattern of stars.

Remus stared at the necklace for a few minutes longer, feeling tears fill his eyes. Sirius...oh, God, it was just too much. He _knew_ Sirius! Sirius wasn't like that!

_He looked up at the sky, his eyes falling on the constellation of Canis Major. In his mind's eye, he could see Lupus just as clearly as the real thing. "Just us canines," he whispered softly._

_"Cave Canes, Remus," Sirius reminded him, "We'll always be there, in the sky, no matter where we are in real life."  
_

Remus' hand tightened around the necklace, and for a few minutes, he stood there, holding it tightly and strengthening his resolution. Then he put it in his pocket and strode away from the charred remains of Lily and James' house...from the remains of their lives, Harry's life, Sirius' life, Peter's life...even his own life. Once his head was sufficiently clear, he Apparated home.

In his room was the box he had used to hide the amulets from Sirius while he was making them. He looked at it for a few minutes, tracing the carved drawing of a wolf on the lid, then put both of the amulets back in the box, closed it, and locked it tightly with a spell.

As he did, he vowed to himself that he would never open it again.

* * *

Peter's nose twitched in the darkness, as he scurried from shadow to shadow under the buildings. Got to keep moving, can't stop, keep going...

A fog was rolling in. He was small, but he could feel it surrounding him, settling on his fur and making it hard to breathe. The world looked so much softer in the fog. Less sharp and dangerous, more fuzzy and magical. His senses were more alert in the fog; he had learned to rely less on sight as a rat anyway, but in the fog he almost didn't use his eyes at all.

It was a Muggle street. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he knew he had to keep going there. The car lights looked so funny in the fog; dangerous, though. He couldn't see them til they were right up behind him, and he had to scamper across the street quickly to keep from being run over. He had only been this way once or twice before, and he was a very small rat; he was terrified of these giant, fast-moving machines.

Peter scurried quickly across the fuzzy glow created by the streetlights, then ducked off the road into the plants to get a breather and recover his nerves, which were a bit shattered by the fast-moving cars. Climbing up a nearby tree, he tried to squint through the fog and get an idea of his surroundings.

The sights were a bit startling. He was in a very different spot. The streets had changed from hard pavement to dirt roads almost instantly, and there were no streetlights. Peter shuddered, ran down from the tree, and scampered through the low-growing plants onto the dirt road.

In the distance, he could see the faint outline of a small, funny looking house. House...Peter quickened his pace and darted up to the sign in front of it. _The Burrow. Hmm. What's that? _Funny how simple his thoughts were getting. Oh well. No time for that. _Got to keep moving. Wait...house. House, house...oh. _ Faraway memories of warmth, comfort and food came rushing back to him. Food. His stomach rumbled. _Hungry!  
_

The doorstep presented itself as a possibility, where a small rat could stay, safe from the fog and mist. _Dry. Good enough for now.  
_

As he ducked under the doorstep and curled into a ball, a small plan began forming in the back of Peter's mind. It had finally occurred to him that this was a wizarding house; no Muggle house would look that strange. _Stay here. Find out news. Wait.  
_

_Wait.  
_

The fog left slowly but surely, and the stars and moon began fading, making way for the bright sun's light. But as the night and fog melted away, another fog rolled in. Not a physical fog, but a mental fog. Slowly but surely, Peter's thoughts became more and more simple.

_Wait.  
_

* * *

And so Peter waited...waited a long, long time, as did Sirius and Remus...as you will see, next week. I can only tell this one bit at a time. Patience, dears, is a virtue which you must learn or be forced to learn.

Now, go to bed. It's late. Good night, and sweet dreams


	6. Waning Gibbus

Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.

* * *

Everything has changed for Sirius and Remus, but there is still much that must happen in their lives before they are through. Tonight the moon is in the first of its last phases, Waning Gibbus. The moon after a full moon, and the time when we begin to see how the Full Moon has changed us. 

Tonight we tell the story of two friends beginning a daring plan, a plan which will change their lives all too soon...

* * *

_Remus stood up from the chair in his office so quickly that he might have knocked it over if he hadn't been so determined not to make a sound. He tapped the map once to clear it, then rolled it up, put it carefully away, and strode purposefully out of his office._

_His footsteps were fast but inaudible, a skill left over from earlier days. His feet led him out the door and down a path he had walked so many times that he could have walked it with his eyes closed. His heart and head were pounding with what he had just read, and he was so caught in the moment that he didn't notice the setting sun, didn't notice the darkness and moonlight waiting to cover the land..._

_He poked the knot in the willow and nearly ran down the tunnell, certain of what he would see at the end...a voice cried out to him, a female voice, shouting for help...he opened the door...he knew his face was pale as death...Harry was standing over him, he had to stop him..."Expelliarmus!"_

_Two wands flew at him and he caught them easily, then stared at Sirius. Remus did not even flinch when he saw the filthy mass of hair covering his friend's face, nor the dead, hollow look in his eyes. He was far too intent on what he had come here for. "Where is he, Sirius?"_

_For a minute, Sirius just looked at him through his empty eyes. Then he slowly raised his hand and pointed it at Ron, who looked utterly bewildered._

_Ignoring the mystified glances of all three children, Remus stared at Sirius, thinking hard. "But then...why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless--" suddenly, Remus' brain broke free and he could feel his eyes widen. "--unless _he was the one...unless you switched...without telling me."

_Sirius' eyes never left Remus' face. He nodded slowly, and Remus felt the most powerful feeling of relief he'd ever had since he told his friends he was a werewolf and they hadn't turned him away - it was the same feeling, flooding over him in waves so strong that he didn't think about what he was doing, just crossed the room and hugged Sirius, hugged him with all the relief he felt..._

_And then it happened so fast that afterwards he couldn't have said how he did it, but Sirius pushed him away, broke into a huge grin, and started laughing maniacally. "No, you old fool! No! I did it! I killed them! Ahahaha! You'll never get me! Never, never, never, never, ne-WAKE, never WAKE UP, never--"_

"WAKE UP, REMUS!"

Remus awoke with a jolt, only to find himself staring into Sirius' grinning face. "Go to hell, Padfoot," he muttered, and rolled over.

"Oh, come on, Moony! It's a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing..."

Remus opened one bleary eye to look at him. "And how would you know? In case you haven't noticed, it's..."

"Black as night in here," said Sirius, making Remus roll his eyes at the pun. "Yeah, I know. It fits with the mood, you know - pure Black blood, pure Black house. Now wake up." His good mood was gone now, and he looked like he was about to start brooding again.

"Oh, cheer up," Remus grumbled, "You're always in a Black mood these days."

"Ha ha. You pinnacle of snarky wit, you," Sirius said sarcastically, then added, "Ahem. Pot. Kettle."

"Well, you are Black," Remus said. He couldn't resist.

"Oh, grow up, Moony, you thought of that joke ages ago." But Sirius was grinning at him as he stormed out of the room, and Remus knew he'd done his job well.

Now there was the bother of getting out of bed. He groaned, and pondered staying in it for another three hours, maybe four...

"DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH SLEEPING ALL DAY, MOONY!" Said a loud voice from the kitchen.

Damn it. "Why do I choose to live with annoying escaped convicts?" Remus groaned aloud.

"I HEARD THAT, MOONY!"

"Oy, shut up." Remus glared balefully at the floor for a few seconds, then made a decision. Wrapping himself up in blankets, he pulled himself up carefully off the couch, then padded his way to the kitchen, still in his cuccoon.

"Love the outfit, Moony, it makes such a bold statment! Where on earth did you get it?"

Remus gave an incoherent grunt and looked at him through bloodshot eyes. "Coffee?" He said hopefully.

"What a name for a store! I'll be sure to check it out, it sounds so _chic_."

Remus felt his face drop. "No coffee?"

Sirius looked at him, and let out his loud, barking laugh. "You will _never _change." He set a pot of coffee, a mug, and a bowl of sugar in front of him. "Caffeine is bad for you, you know."

Remus ignored him and poured himself a cup. He had discovered long ago that it was the only thing that would wake him up the day after a full moon...how else could he have survived his NEWTs?

"How're you feeling?" Sirius added, a bit more seriously.

This brought the attention back to Remus' aching joints and roaring headache. If he didn't know better, he'd say he'd gotten drunk last night and was suffering a hangover. If only it was that simple..."Like hell," he said, then stopped. "Wait...how'd I end up here?"

"You stumbled in at eight o'clock in the morning and collapsed on that couch. Don't know why you chose it," Sirius added reflectively, "It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life."

"I probably wasn't in any state to notice."

"So I'm guessing it wasn't a very fun transformation," Sirius said, giving him a piercing look.

Remus shrugged. "Not as bad as it used to be. The Wolfsbane Potion is used because it works, you know..."

"Yeah, yeah. I wish you'd let me transform with you."

Remus sighed. "We've been through this. You can't come into the apothecary, dog or no dog, they won't let you in, and there's no door in the basement, and you can't Apparate in or out. Believe me, Sirius, I wish you could come too..."

"A lot of help, that."

"Yeah, well..." There was an unhappy silence for a few minutes, until something occured to Remus. "Wait a minute...Sirius, if I came in here at eight o'clock, what time is it now?"

Sirius grinned at him. "I was wondering when you were going to ask. It's 5 o'clock in the afternoon."

"Well, I'm caught up on sleep, then," Remus mumbled into his coffee mug. Something was niggling at the back of his mind, something about last night...well, rather, this morning, it seemed that was when he had been sleeping..."I had a dream," he said suddenly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at him, but said nothing.

"It was in the Shrieking Shack...with Harry and Ron...and I asked about Peter...and you said, no, you really did do it...and then you woke me up," he ended reproachfully.

"You could go back to bed and dream it again, if you like," Sirius said lightly.

Remus shuddered involuntarily. "No," he mumbled, "Worst nightmare I ever have."

"Except for the one where I never get out and you never find out?"

Remus just grunted and looked back at his coffee, no longer feeling like drinking it. He felt worse than ever...he hated that dream...

Sirius was watching him, and his eyes had gone empty again. "I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus snorted. "For what? It was Wormtail that did it."

"Yeah, but it was my idea...and anyway, I did suspect you..."

"If you don't stop blaming yourself, I shall dump this cup of coffee on your head. It wasn't you, it was Voldemort. So shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Sirius gave his usual barking laugh. "Spoken as only a werewolf on the day after a full moon can."

"Damn straight," Remus muttered, and took a huge swig of coffee.

"So I bet you were wondering why I woke you up," Sirius said conversationally.

"I was probably getting around to asking, yes," Remus agreed, glad of the subject change.

"Dumbledore said he was coming over tonight, and he's bringing a few people."

Remus looked up hopefully. "You mean...?"

Sirius nodded at him, eyes gleaming in what little light there was in the kitchen. "That's right. Tonight is the first full meeting of the new Order of the Phoenix."

There was an appropriately dramatic silence as they both pondered the gravity of the moment. Then Remus shifted in his chair. "Well," he said seriously, "I'd better get dressed, then."

* * *

Whatever Remus imagined it would be like to live with Sirius after discovering he was innocent, this was not it. For one thing, he never would have believed it could happen, so when a large black dog showed up on his doorstep earlier that year, walked into his house, and related a long story about a Portkey, Voldemort, and something about Harry's blood, it came as a complete shock. Not the dog talking - he transformed into Sirius before he started doing that - but the story. That, and the fact that Dumbledore wanted the two of them to start rebuilding the Order of the Phoenix. 

The idea of setting up Headquarters in Grimmauld Place had come in a moment of inspiration to Sirius. Rebuilding the Order had sounded very nice and glorious when Sirius related it in the kitchen of Remus' tiny, dirty flat, but the meager dwellings of a werewolf are not exactly the most ideal location for a secret organization that hoped to bring about the fall of Voldemort. They were stuck in a bit of a bind when Sirius had leaped out of his chair, shouted "GRIMMAULD PLACE!" and rushed to the fireplace to Floo Dumbledore. The rest, Remus supposed, was history.

Not that he hadn't had his doubts when he actually saw the place. At first it had seemed to be yet another wonderful idea that sounds great until you try it. No one had been more surprised than Remus when it actually seemed to be working. Both he and Sirius had been a bit reluctant when the idea of the Fidelius Charm was given, but, as Dumbledore said, it was their best option, especially if they were wise enough to learn from the past. Neither of them had even bothered to suggest that someone other than Dumbledore be the Secret-Keeper.

The biggest downside, he thought, was the effect it seemed to be having on Sirius. Remus didn't like seeing the man brood every two minutes, and he could tell that it was always niggling at him, in the back of his mind. He had mentioned it to Dumbledore, who had agreed and looked thoughtful about it, then asked Remus to help keep him as cheerful as possible until they could think of a solution.

It was going to be even harder than it sounded, though. Twelve years in Azkaban did not help Sirius regain an optomistic outlook on life, and being back in Grimmauld Place was nearly as bad. It wasn't so bad now - Sirius was still excited about the prospect of re-forming the Order and there was a passionate glint in his eyes now whenever they spoke of it. But Remus had a feeling that Sirius' situation wouldn't lend him to much more usefulness, and he figured he probably had his work cut out for him.

His hunch proved right at the Order meeting that night. The first order of business, once they had inducted the new members and Dumbledore had vouched for their trustworthiness, had been "What are we going to do now?" They planned to use the resources they had to their fullest extent, and everyone had a job to do. Everyone except Sirius. This didn't exactly do anything to daunt him yet, but Remus could see the glint in his eye get dimmer and dimmer as the meeting went on.

It didn't go out just yet, though. Some of the excitement of holding secret meetings in the dead of the night was still there, and while the prospect of cleaning the house wasn't a very romantic one, it would probably be enough to at least keep him occupied. Still, after everyone was gone that night, Remus left Sirius alone so he could brood in peace, and went to bed hoping he could find a way to help him somehow.

* * *

His hopes didn't amount to much, though. Remus found himself out of the house more often than he was in it, and when he was there, the cleaning and the newly arrived Weasleys and Hermione Granger were occupying Sirius' attention. The conversation was mainly about Harry - they were all worried about him and Sirius especially hated to keep him in the dark. This on top of everything else led to even more brooding on Sirius' part, and Remus was at a loss as to what to do, besides drag Sirius from the room every time Snape happened to make an appearance. 

A short-term answer came a bit unexpectedly. Remus had come home one day after a long day's work for the Order only to find Sirius sitting in his bedroom, going through his things.

Well, sort of. He was wielding a duster and a wand and battling some mysterious objects in the bureau that Remus had been too wary to go near before, but that didn't change the fact that Remus' stuff was spread out all around him and he had been quite obviously rifling through them.

"What are you doing?" Remus demanded.

Sirius jumped a foot in the air and dropped the candlestick that was lighting up and trying to burn him, then swore and stunned it before it could scuttle too far across the room. "Dammit, Remus, don't scare me like that!"

Remus hid a smirk, and raised an eyebrow at him. "You're going through my stuff!"

"Am not! I got distracted by the candlestick!" Sirius realized his mistake a half second too late, and turned red. "I mean, I came in here to clean," he said unconvincingly.

"Uh huh. Remus bent down next to him and looked around. "So, what did you find?"

Sirius made a face. "Not much. You don't have a lot of stuff, do you?"

"Side effect of lycanthropy," Remus said lightly, "Believe me, I don't prefer it that way."

"Be nicer if you did," Sirius replied gloomily. They were quiet for a moment. "I did find one thing, though," Sirius said eventually, and pulled a box towards him. "What is this?"

"You didn't open it?" Remus said with some surprise.

"Well, I was going to, but then I tripped over your bed and crashed into the bureau and the door opened and something tried to bite me so I fought back and ended up cleaning out the whole thing and the candlestick was the only thing left when you came in, so now we can open it together!"

"I see." Remus looked thoughtfully at the box for a moment, then shrugged as if to say "Why not?" Sirius made to open it, but Remus stopped him, remembering something in the nick of time. He pointed his wand at it and muttered a spell, then peeled the spellotape off himself. In answer to Sirius' look, he said, "I hexed it. If you'd opened it, your hair would look like Snape's that one time we tried to dye it purple right now."

Sirius snickered. "I see I've rubbed off on you, Moony."

"Don't tell anyone, they'll never take me seriously again."

"But if they think you're like me, then they _will _take you Siriusly."

Remus opened his mouth to wonder what the hell he was talking about, then the pun made its way through his tired brain and he shut it and glared at Sirius. "I thought we agreed never to use that one again."

"What are you talking about? No we didn't, you're making things up."

"Damn it, you realized it."

"Nice try, Moony. Now can we start going through your stuff?"

"Who's stopping you?"

It was like shouting "FIRE!" to an army. Sirius instantly started pulling things out, making loud comments as he went. "PICTURES! Moony, look at this! I didn't know you kept these, wonder what happened to mine..."

"No idea...hey, is that Snape with pink hair?"

Sirius laughed loudly. "I had no idea you took a picture of that!"

Remus grinned. "I didn't, that was all Prongs...he gave it to me, read the back."

Sirius flipped it over and read aloud, "_Moony - found this in a pile of Potions essays I was burning, it's a good thing I checked to make sure none of them were yours, first. Anyway, I thought you should have it, so next time Snape threatens to tell everyone your secret, you'll have blackmail material. And anyway, if Lily finds it she'll kill me, so it's better that you have it anyway. Use it wisely. Well, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Not that that limits you. -Prongs,_" Sirius finished and laughed. "Remember that time we gave him pigtails?"

"Couldn't forget it if I tried. Remember Malfoy in that dress?"

"And the time we got the House Elves to paint the Slytherin Common Room pink?"

"That was fantastic, they never did figure out how we managed it, and they couldn't pin it on us..."

"Brilliant, I know."

"Except it wasn't your idea." It had been Peter's, but Remus never mentioned him because he didn't really want Sirius moping around more than usual.

"Oh, shut up...HEY, you still have the wedding pictures! Moony, these are great!"

"Yes, you do look rather fetching in that dress."

"How did Lily manage to do that, anyway?" Sirius wondered.

"I don't know, that woman was scary when she got mad."

"No, I meant how did she find out my plans for the reception?"

"She had a sixth sense, that one...good thing James managed to convince her to reverse it so you could wear a suit at the actual wedding."

"Yeah, well, she never did tell me how to fix my legs...they were smooth for a month afterwards, I had to research the counter-charm myself..."

Remus burst out laughing. "You never told me that!"

"Odd, I wonder why? Hey, look, there's that suit you dug up for the wedding! Where on earth did you find that thing? Has Harry seen these?"

"No, I made sure only to send him pictures of you." It wasn't true, but Sirius knew that.

"Sneak. That thing is horrible."

"Yes, well, if you hadn't turned it orange...and, you know, I can always send Harry the picture of you in a dress..."

"Don't you dare. Oh, this is a nice one, all four of us...wait, but someone's missing..."

Remus leaned over his shoulder to look. "Peter. He was in it when we took it, but about two summers ago when I went to pack up my things to move out of Hogwarts, I noticed that he had scurried out of all my pictures."

"Wonder why," Sirius said bitterly.

"Yes, well, it's a good thing he did," Remus said mildly, "Or I would have hexed him out."

"You didn't hex me out."

"No, I just put all my pictures of you in a box and shoved it away in a corner."

"I see." Sirius was quiet as he finished going through the pictures, then he put them on the floor next to the box. "So, what else do you have in here?" He began pulling things out of the box and laughed when he realized that Remus had shoved all the (non-edible) gifts Sirius had given him into it. For the first few years the gifts they'd given each other had been a bit generic - sugar quills, dungbombs, and so on, but later on they became a bit more personal. Sirius was laughing over a statue of a wolf that ran around in circles chasing its own tail and howling in a really squeaky voice, and Remus was reaching in to pull out some letters he had saved when his fingers brushed a wood surface at the bottom of the box. He froze.

"What's that you've found there, Moony?" Sirius asked, setting the statue on the floor and scooting back over to the box. Caught, Remus slowly lifted out the carved wooden box. "Did I give you this?" Sirius wondered, looking at it.

Remus shook his head. "Lily did, right after she...found out. It was her way of telling me she knew, and that she didn't care. I'd forgotten about it," he said softly.

"So what's in it?"

Remus didn't answer, he just looked at it, trying to remember...a long-forgotten vow flitted across his mind, but for some reason it didn't seem to matter anymore...he lifted his wand, and spoke a spell. The lock clicked open, and he smiled with satisfaction as he lifted the lid.

"Remus, I didn't know you kept these," Sirius said softly after a moment.

"I'd forgotten myself," Remus admitted, "If I'd remembered while I was teaching, I would've...but I guess it's better I didn't." To give himself something to do, he lifted the two amulets out of the box, and handed one to Sirius.

Sirius turned it over in his hand, running his thumb over the smooth, rounded glass. "Thought I'd lost it," he muttered.

"I found it at Godric's Hollow," Remus told him, "There wasn't much else left."

Sirius nodded, but said nothing. Then he slipped the chain over his head, slid the amulet under his robes, and, borrowing Remus' wand, said a Charm that would make sure no one ever saw it. Taking his wand back, Remus did the same with his own amulet.

"Now if we can find the two-way mirrors James and I had, everything will really be back to normal," Sirius said.

Remus grinned. "I'd forgotten about that. You know, next time you want to keep a secret like that from me, you should refrain from having me find the Charm for it."

"Well, it sounds obvious _now_..."

"It was then, too, you just lacked subtlety. Come to think of it, you still do," Remus said reflectively.

"Yeah, yeah. I just wish I knew where they were...James gave me his a while ago when they thought Voldemort was after them, said he wanted his most valuable things kept safe..."

"What would you do if you found it?"

"I dunno...give it to Harry? He might need it."

"Good idea."

"Speaking of Harry, when d'you think Dumbledore'll let him come here? Poor kid must be going crazy with those Muggles."

"Don't know, but I hope it's soon," Remus sighed.

"Yeah, think I might just bust him out myself if it takes much longer."

"And Harry will have your head if you get caught," Remus said calmly.

"No chance of that, they'll chuck me back in Azkaban first," Sirius replied gloomily. He began gathering all of the things they had spread all over the floor and putting them back in the box. "Well, this was fun."

Remus smiled. "I suppose."

Just then, they heard Molly Weasley's voice yelling through the whole house. "REMUS! SIRIUS! COME QUICK, A COUPLE OF DEMENTORS WENT AFTER HARRY!" Sirius and Remus exchanged glances, then went thundering downstairs.

* * *

Sirius pulled away from the fireplace, grabbed the nearest object - a candlestick, oddly enough, and flung it across the room. "I'll KILL him!" He shouted. 

"I'd really rather you didn't," Remus said calmly, going to pick the candlestick and set it back where it had been. "He's a bit necessary to the cause."

"More necessary than I am," Sirius said bitterly.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Did I say that?"

"You might as well just admit it," Sirius retorted, "I HATE him!" He burst out.

"Well, he's not exactly behaving maturely at the moment," Remus said, "I must admit I thought Dumbledore's hope that he could get over his prejudices about Harry were a bit far-fetched."

"Don't know what he was thinking, having him teach Harry Occlumency..."

"I haven't got any more idea than you do, but it's really important that the lessons start again."

"I know, I know. Just say it already, Snivellus is more useful than you, he's got so many important jobs and all you do is clean all day..."

"I think you shouldn't call him that anymore," Remus said mildly, "Especially considering what Harry just saw."

"Sorry," Sirius said sulkily. "It's just...I never thought it would be this way, you know? Stuck here in this...house...cleaning...listening to that great git mocking me, letting that stupid woman run my godson's life...having to deal with an old, insane house elf..."

"I know," said Remus softly, "Life's like that, doesn't always deal you the hand you want."

Sirius gave him a wry smile. "You know what I'd really like to say now?"

"What?"

"I'd like to say, 'how would you know, at least you're not stuck in some horrible situation you can't even control,' but--"

Remus laughed. "Well, if it's any consolation, I wouldn't switch lives with you for anything."

"Thanks, Moony, that's a great help," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Any time."

"Even considering Azkaban, you'd probably win the who-has-the-most-horrible life game," Sirius remarked.

"That's a game I've always wanted to win."

"Naturally."

Remus sighed. "We're avoiding the subject, aren't we?"

"There was a subject?"

"Yes, it was What Are We Going To Do About Snape?"

"Oh, that subject."

"Yes, exactly. So...what are we going to do about him?"

"Hex his underwear? Put itching powder in his robes, Canary Creams in his food and set Dungbombs off in his socks?" Sirius suggested.

Remus couldn't resist. "That wouldn't change the way they smelled."

Sirius was surprised into a laugh. "And you pretend to be the responsible one."

"Yes, well, it's a difficult façade." Remus sighed. "Unfortunately, we've both _graduated _from Hogwarts, and that won't convince him to take Harry back. I'll have to talk to him. Damn it."

"You don't want me to be there, do you?"

"No, I don't want to have to take him back to Dumbledore in pieces...if you're not there at least I'll be able to hex his nose off when he's not looking..."

"Mwahahahahaha. Revenge, sweet revenge..."

"It scares me when you do that."

"Why else would I do it?"

"Dunno. Dammit, I hate talking to him."

"Well, good luck. If he gives you any trouble, I sneak into Hogwarts and hex his underwear to sing Do You See What I See? whenever he puts them on."

Remus suppressed a snicker. "Tempting as that is, I think I'll pass. For now."

"Good man," Sirius said with a grin. "Now, I'm going to sit in a dark room and toss dead rats around. Want to come?"

"I've seen you feed Buckbeak before, and it's not that interesting. No, I think I'll go clean the kitchen, it's gotten disgusting."

Sirius shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said, and went upstairs.

Remus watched him go, and should have then gone into the kitchen to do the dishes. But instead, he sat down and looked into the fireplace for a very long time, thinking.

He had a feeling that something was about to happen, that something was wrong, especially with Sirius, who had been brooding more and more often since Christmas. But he couldn't put his finger on it, and they were just shadowy suspicions anyway...he should just ignore them, and go on with life...

But he didn't sleep much that night, or the next.

_Something was wrong...if only he knew what..._

* * *

You can probably guess that Remus' suspicions were right...but what was wrong, he was not destined to know for a little while longer. And the same goes for you, it's well past your bedtime. Oh, stop complaining, you'll find out the next part of the story soon enough, if you can wait just a bit longer for the next phase of the moon...

* * *

It was _hard _to write this chapter without drawing from the universe of FernWithy's excellent story "Shifts," which you can read on The Sugar Quill. I highly recommend it, and all of her other work. I really had to talk myself out of using her idea for what Remus was doing over the summer - I decided to leave it open-ended, so I could change it if we ever do find out. But it was a wrench, believe me. That story is utterly brilliant. 


	7. Last Quarter

A/N: This chapter has now been revised to match with HBP canon. I don't think there are any major spoilers, but be careful anyway. From now on, all new chapters will match with the new canon, so please read the book before reading this story. I don't know exactly what I intend to do with...a certain pairing...that has arisen with Book 6, but rest assured it will have its place in this story soon, so keep an eye out for further revisions. 

I deviated a bit from the standard format of the story here. I liked the end so much that I couldn't put anything after it, so...I hope you won't mind.

* * *

We are in the last quarter of the moon. This part of the story does not take part in that phase, but the events I will tell mirror the character of the Last Quarter. A new moon is coming soon, but before we can experience its rebirth, we must feel pain and grief...we must come to face the events that have been so long in building... 

Tonight, Remus and Sirius come face to face with the beginning of the end.

* * *

Sirius was depressed - and, even worse, he was bored. The two things were interconnected, but, of the pair, he personally thought boredom was the worst thing that could ever happen to him, because if he wasn't bored, he would be to busy to bother with depression. It was a new experience to him, boredom - yet another one of the many side effects of Azkaban. 

The house was foul. Sirius had thought of many other, more creative adjectives to describe it, but none of them were nearly as accurate. The dirt, the dark objects lurking in the corners, his mother's awful portrait, the skeleton of a House-Elf which had reappeared in the attic, to his deep disappointment - and he was completely and utterly trapped in this bleak hole.

Even Remus' presence didn't help much, when Sirius was in his blackest mood. Remus, for all his lycanthropy, could at least go outside without being sent to Azkaban, as long as it wasn't a full moon. But he, Sirius, was stuck in the pits of his own personal hell. At times he thought Buckbeak was the only one who could really understand what it was like. Damn, if only the hippogriff could talk - they could moan about being here, not allowed to go out, break out the firewhisky, get piss roaring drunk, pass out on the floor and wake up the next morning to do it all over again.

When did his sense of humor get so black? Sirius rolled his eyes at the pun and went back to wrapping up Buckbeak's broken leg. He didn't know how the hippogriff had gotten injured, and he didn't really care. At least it gave him something to do. It was a good thing Buckbeak was here at all - he hated to think of how dead boring everything without him.

This was probably the worst year of his life. Well, not worse than Azkaban, he amended, but at least there he'd had drive. Something to hope for. Something to live for. But even his thirst for revenge, while not exactly quenched, had been pushed aside and buried under a sea of regrets, nostalgia, gloominess and old resentment. It had gone stale and cold, just like the rest of his life.

If only he could talk to Harry, things might be different. But since their conversation about James, there had been nothing - no letters in code, no illegal calls through the fire, nothing. Sirius had peppered Dumbledore every time he saw him for news about his godson - but now even Dumbledore had no news about Harry. Not that it had done much good when he had asked - Dumbledore just sighed, looked tired, and said something along the lines of "he's as well as can be expected," and left it at that.

Harry could have used the two-way mirror, but he was being stubborn about it for some reason, and Sirius was at a loss about what to do next, except sit around in dark rooms and brood. There wasn't much else to do. And that was depressing. Not to mention boring.

Which brought him right back around to his original point. He traveled around in circles like this a lot lately, and he wasn't getting anywhere new. Sirius let out a long, world-weary sigh, and Buckbeak looked at him through one bright, knowing eye, although Sirius was sure he could detect a hint of exasperation in it. Dammit. If only Remus or James was here to tell him to shake himself out of it and go blow something up for God's sake, because angst just didn't suit him.

But Remus was on mysterious Order business - AGAIN - and the thought of James just brought about more brooding, so Sirius tried to ignored that train of thought. Only problem was, he didn't know what train of thought he should be following, so he was about to say to hell with it and brood as much as he wanted to, when Snape's voice interrupted him.

Wait a minute. Snape?

"Black? Black! Are you there?"

Sirius jumped and looked around wildly before he realized that the voice was coming from his pocket. "Stupid," he muttered, and pulled out a hand mirror. When Dumbledore had been looking for ways that the Order could contact each other, Sirius had offered up the spell he and James had used - and a few modifications made it possible to include any number of mirrors. A few more (mostly derived from those on a certain map) allowed for them to see through Polyjuice Potions and Invisibility Cloaks, and if an Order member wished to stay hidden, he or she could change the way the mirror told him that someone was calling.

Since Sirius wasn't lurking around in corners much, he just heard the person's voice when they called. "Snape! What's going on?"

"Where are you?"

"Grimmauld Place," said Sirius in confusion, "Where else would I be?"

Snape's mouth set in a thin line. "Your _godson_," he spat, "Was caught in Umbridge's office. Apparently he was trying to contact 'persons unknown' in her fireplace. He seems to think you have been taken captive by the Dark Lord."

Sirius jumped up. "What? What gave him that idea?"

"I have no idea. He's probably been paying attention to those visions again," Snape said scornfully.

"Weren't you supposed to teach him Occlumency? So he could stop having them?"

"Well, clearly it didn't work."

"Well, if you had kept at it instead of throwing him out of your office--"

"Black! That is beside the point, and we are wasting time! If he runs off on some fool rescue mission--"

"Well, since you're there, why don't you see to it that he doesn't?" Sirius replied nastily.

Snape rolled his eyes. "If you would just stop talking, I will. Alert the rest of the Order. Gather as many people as you can. We should be prepared." With that, the conversation was cut short abruptly.

Sirius stared at for a minute, then clattered downstairs to begin rounding up the other members of the Order. He got Moody, Tonks, Shacklebolt, and Remus together before Snape contacted him again.

"Black!"

"Snape! What's going on?"

"Potter and Granger led Umbridge into the Forbidden Forest. The two Weasleys, Longbottom, and the Lovegood girl escaped her office and followed them. None of them have returned yet."

Sirius blew out a breath. "Great. Just great."

Remus came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. "He probably still thinks you're Voldemort's captive."

"I wonder what made you think that," said Snape dryly. "I'm going to search the Forest for him. Someone should go to the Ministry to look for him. Did you round up the rest of the Order? _Besides _Lupin?"

"Yes," retorted Sirius, and flashed the mirror around so he could see everyone in the room.

"We should all go," grunted Moody, "If Potter has run into Voldemort at the Ministry, he'll need all the help he can get."

"Right," said Sirius grimly.

"_Not _you," Snape snapped.

"_What_? If you think I'm going to stay behind again while everyone else runs off to--"

"Someone should stay and tell Dumbledore what's going on!" Snape retorted, "He'll be coming any minute, you can at least _wait _to dash off and save Potter's neck!"

Sirius wrenched his mouth open to reply, but Snape cut him off. "We're wasting time, Black," he said impatiently. "You stay there and alert Dumbledore. I'm going to search the Forest. Goodbye."

"Sirius..." began Remus, seeing the look on his face.

"I am _not _staying here while the rest of you go off! Not again! My godson is in DANGER! I'm going to protect him, dammit."

"And who will tell Dumbledore what's going on?" Remus said calmly.

Sirius cast his eyes desperately around the room, and they landed on..."Kreacher. Stay here, and when Dumbledore comes, tell him we've gone to the Department of Mysteries after Harry."

"Sirius..." Remus began again.

"No. I'm going. Come on." Sirius pulled out his wand and Apparated, and the rest followed suit. There wasn't anything else they could do.

* * *

For a man cooped up for so long, the battle was exhilarating. Remus, even as he dodged curses and shot back hexes of his own, could see it in his best friend's eyes. A year's worth of boredom melted away and was replaced by a fire that hadn't been there for a long time. He himself was concentrating fiercely on fighting for his life - he'd never enjoyed this sort of work, but when thrown into it, he could hold his own. 

He heard Sirius shout "Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville, and run!" and swore. Harry was in the middle of all this, and he had the prophecy--Remus shot one last, furious hex at his opponent, who fell over, and whirled around to see that Malfoy had pinned Harry down and was threatening him. He was momentarily impressed when Harry threw the prophecy at Neville and blasted Malfoy away into the dais. One glance at the dais told him that Sirius was dueling with Bellatrix - but he had no time to think about that, as Malfoy was about to hex Neville and Harry and--

"Harry, round up the others and GO!" He shouted, jumping between them. He was duelling furiously with the man when he heard Neville's shout and Dumbledore entered the room, and the Death Eaters were dealt with effortlessly.

Except one. Remus' eyes went instantly to the dais where Sirius and Bellatrix were fighting. He made to draw his wand, made to run up and help, but then he froze. Sirius had laughed. How long had it been since he'd laughed? "Come on, you can do better than that!" Remus heard him yell.

The words jolted him awake, but before he could run to Sirius, he saw a jet of light hit his chest, saw the look of surprise on his face, saw him fall over the edge and behind the veil...

Remus felt his throat constrict, but then he heard another shout.

"SIRIUS!" Harry was yelling. "SIRIUS!"

Lupin saw him sprinting towards the veil and sprang into action. He pulled the boy away, said something to him, he didn't know what, tried to tell him that Sirius wasn't coming back, even though he could hardly believe it himself. It hurt to talk. But he had to keep doing it, or...he dragged Harry away, restraining the boy, barely looking where he was going...they found Neville...he reversed the hex on Neville's legs...why did he keep talking? It hurt to talk...

He had to find his voice. Had to keep going. Time for grief later. "Let's--let's find the others," he said painfully, turning away from the archway. "Where are they all, Neville?"

Neville took them back to the other students, but his answer was interrupted. Harry ripped free from his grip, ran towards the noise, yelling that he would kill her--

_Bloody hell._ Harry was gone._ So is Sirius._ No! He wouldn't think about that now, he had to do something, had to get everyone else out of here...he turned to the children. "We have to get you back to Hogwarts," he said tightly.

"But--" began Ginny.

"No buts," Remus snapped. "We're going _now_. I won't have anyone else dying if I can help it." He took a bit of rubble and pointed his wand at it. "_Portus_," he said, not caring that it was unauthorized. "Ginny, take Hermione's hand. Luna, take Ron's. Good." He, along with Neville, Ginny and Luna, each put a finger to the Portkey, and with the familiar jerk in their navels, they were in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts.

Remus gave Madam Pomfrey a short explanation, then Floo'ed back to the Ministry.

He was just in time to see Voldemort for a split second before he grabbed Bellatrix and vanished. He saw Fudge gibber in front of Dumbledore, saw that Harry was all right, saw him disappear again...he heard Dumbledore tell him to take Tonks to St. Mungo's and then return to Grimmauld Place...he did both of these things mechanically, yet again putting aside his grief...

And found himself back in the gloom of the ancient house.

Remus sighed and pulled out a chair in the kitchen. What was he supposed to do until Dumbledore came? Make a pot of tea? He snorted. Somehow, he didn't think so. Well, he could sit here...unmoving...something Sirius did a lot lately, but...

Sirius.

Dammit.

That was all it took. Remus shoved himself and the chair backwards and jumped out of it. "What the hell were you thinking? DAMN it, Sirius!"

His shout awoke shrieking from the hallway, but Remus' ears were filling with rage and he barely heard it. Sirius hated this house. Hated the blackness, hated his parents, hated the shrieking...

The shrieking. His mother. Sirius had hated her. She'd been loud. Bigoted. Remus opened the door to the kitchen and stalked into the hallway.

"FILTHY HALF-BREEDS, BEFOULING THE HOUSE OF--"

Remus pointed his wand at her, shaking with rage and frustration. "Shut up."

"HALF-BREEDS AND MUTANTS AND BLOOD-TRAITORS, SHAME OF MY FLESH--"

"He's dead," Remus said flatly.

"LIARS AND DIRT AND SCUM--"

"He was your son! And he's DEAD!" Remus felt something powerful shoot out of the end of his wand, unintentional magic so powerful that it blasted the portrait right off the wall. It shocked Mrs. Black so much that she stopped shrieking, but only for a moment.

The shrieking. It wouldn't stop.

Sirius had hated the shrieking. He had hated his mother.

"_Incendio_."

The portrait went up in flames. Remus watched it until the shrieking stopped and there were only ashes left. Then he doused the fire with some water from his wand.

_Ashes..._

That was all that was left.

All that was left of Sirius' mother. All that was left of Godric's Hollow. All that was left of James and Lily. All that was left of the street Peter Pettigrew had blown to bits.

All that was left of his life.

Sirius would be disgusted with his melodrama, Remus thought bitterly. But Sirius wasn't here.

The other portraits had woken up and were yelling now. Remus looked at them. "You're shrieking. She used to shriek. Sirius hated the shrieking..." he raised his wand.

The yelling stopped abruptly as all the portraits realized what he was going to do, so he lowered his wand and moved silently out of the room.

He didn't plan on going there, but he found himself in the drawing room next. On one wall hung an old, faded tapestry...Remus' eyes gravitated to it. Sirius had hated that tapestry. Sirius wasn't even on it. He was just a hole, burned and charred...

_Ashes..._

Remus pointed his wand at it. Permanent Sticking Charm or no, it would burn too...hate and grief and anger poured out of him and the tapestry burned until there was nothing left.

_Except ashes._

Remus moved out of the room and upstairs. He found the room with Phineas Nigellus' portrait in it. Phineas was there. He started at the sight of Remus' face. "Where is my great-great-grandson?" he demanded.

"Dead," Remus replied numbly.

"So Dumbledore and Potter were right?"

"He fell."

"What?"

"Behind the veil."

Phineas stared at him, then shook himself and left the frame. Remus heard his voice echo all over the house from the other portraits, calling Sirius' name...

He couldn't bear to hear it. He turned and walked out of the room.

His feet led him to Sirius' mother's room, where Buckbeak was lodged. At the sight of Remus, Buckbeak looked up in confusion. Remus sighed. How many more people was he going to have to break this to? How many more people had lost someone they loved today and didn't know it yet?

"Buckbeak," he said softly, meeting the hippogriff's eyes and bowing. Buckbeak bowed back, and Remus relaxed. "Sirius..." he stopped and cleared his choked throat. It didn't help. "Sirius is dead," he managed.

Remus could have sworn he saw a look of comprehension in the great beast's eyes. He lowered his head and Remus sighed. "I'm sorry."

He meant to leave, but found he didn't much want to. Suddenly he understood why Sirius liked to stay up here - he didn't have to deal with other people, he could be alone with his thoughts - yet he wasn't truly alone, and there was some strange comfort in staying with the other creature. Remus sighed and sat down in front of the door. Man and beast were quiet for a long moment, each lost in their own grief...

* * *

It seemed like ages before Remus finally stood up and quietly left the room. Once in the hall, he stood there unmoving, listening. The house had gone quiet. Phineas was no longer calling for Sirius. None of the portraits were shrieking. The house was dead, alone, black... 

_Ashes..._

Remus shook his head. He couldn't keep thinking these dark thoughts...that was what had led Sirius away...he went back downstairs and let himself out of the house, out into the breaking light...

It was dawn. The stars were fading and the sun was coming up, but he could still see the moon in the sky. It was almost a new moon...good. He didn't want to transform any time soon. He couldn't deal with the grief so soon.

_Moonlight._

_Starlight._

_Dog star._

_Sirius!_

Remus' hand flew to the amulet hanging around his neck. Dammit all! Sirius' must have fallen, he thought, fallen behind the veil with him...he turned and raced back into the house. If there was a chance...any inkling of a chance...he might've taken it off before he left...please...

A quick ransack of the house yielded nothing. Remus sank into a chair in the kitchen and buried his face in his hands. It was gone. Just like Sirius.

_Ashes..._

There was a pop, and Remus looked up and found his surprised eyes locked with Dumbledore's tired ones. "Dumbledore..." he said weakly, "You should go to sleep."

"So should you," replied Dumbledore quietly.

"How is Harry?"

Dumbledore sighed and sat down across from him. "He understands now," he said. It wasn't a real explanation, but it was enough.

"I see. And...Fudge?"

Dumbledore smiled tiredly. "He understands as well."

Remus sighed heavily and didn't reply.

"Remus," said Dumbledore gently.

He didn't look up. He didn't want to face the pity he knew he would find in the old man's eyes.

"I found something in the rubble," Dumbledore was saying.

That made Remus look up. Hope flooded his eyes. "What?" he said carefully, not wanting to betray too much.

Dumbledore held out a long silver chain and Remus took it, feeling as if he was in a daze. There was Sirius' amulet, unharmed. "But how..." he breathed.

"I found it near the archway. It must have fallen off as he fell," Dumbledore said. He looked at Remus steadily. "Do you want to tell me what it is?"

Remus swallowed. "Someday," he replied hoarsely, "Not yet."

Dumbledore nodded gravely. "Very well. There are still a few matters to attend to."

"Yes?" said Remus.

"For instance, where is Kreacher?"

"I don't know," he said, "I haven't seen him since I came back." He paused. "It's a good thing, too," he said finally.

Dumbledore looked at him through blue eyes that betrayed nothing.

"I would have killed him," Remus muttered, not meeting that penetrating blue stare.

Dumbledore didn't say anything - he offered no judgment and no sympathy or understanding. But when Remus finally looked up, too afraid to meet those eyes, but too afraid not to, he was shocked - there was no hardness or disgust in his eyes, but tears. Tears rolled down Dumbledore's face onto the table unchecked.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered hoarsely.

"I am, as well," Dumbledore said through his tears. His voice did not waver, but it was heavy with sadness and grief.

Remus looked down at the table, and his throat constricted, but no tears came to his eyes. He felt dry...felt like he was in a dream, half-awake and half-asleep. "We should find Kreacher," he said quietly. Then a sigh came out of him, so heavy that it felt like it had been torn from him. "I'm so tired..." he whispered, and there was something in his voice that indicated that it wasn't just from lack of sleep.

"Sleep," said Dumbledore, "I'll take care of Kreacher."

"Dumbledore," Remus protested, "You've been up all night...working so hard...the least I can do..."

Dumbledore shook his head. "You need sleep. You've lost a friend tonight."

"No," said Remus softly, and at Dumbledore's questioning look, he said, more loudly this time, "No, Dumbledore...I haven't lost a friend."

He looked into blue, confused eyes and raised, bushy eyebrows, and said, even more softly than before, "I've lost a brother."

There was a long silence. Unspoken grief was thick in the air "Sleep," said Dumbledore finally, "I will manage."

Remus hesitated, then nodded. "Thank you," he said quietly. And he turned and left the room.

* * *

It was a long time before things slowed down enough for Remus to dwell on his grief again. The aftermath of the attack at the Ministry was not pretty, and all of the Order members were called upon to do whatever they could to help. It was Remus' idea to meet Harry at King's Cross, although seeing him again was a bit of a shock - the pale, melancholy look on Harry's face was an almost exact mirror of the expression on Remus' own face. 

When he returned to Grimmauld Place, he dug out the amulet Dumbledore had found in the Ministry building, and also slipped his own amulet from around his neck. He'd been avoiding it, until now, but he could avoid it no longer. Today, he had seen Harry face those Muggles and try to pretend to move on...today, he would face the fears he had been avoiding and do the same.

It was time.

Remus took a deep breath and pointed his wand at his own amulet. "Cave Canes."

He wasn't expecting anything. Anything at all. He saw the veil, floating in a wind that didn't blow. He saw the stone archway, cold and unyielding. He was about to cancel the spell when the picture shifted. The veil came closer and closer, in a sweeping view that made Remus hold his breath until...the image passed beyond it.

Behind the veil was not stone, but the starlight that had been in the amulet before. Remus started to sigh with disappointment, but before he was finished he saw something that gasp. Under the starlight, under the black heavens...he could see...he could hardly believe it...the figure of a dog. And it was running.

It was running, under a big black sky...Remus could feel the wet grass beneath his feet and see the stars above his head...and he felt an overwhelming rush of the sweetest feeling in the world: freedom. Sirius was free. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he did.

Remus watched it run for a moment, then jumped in surprise. Next to the dog, he could see the figure of a stag, running along with him and dancing playfully about it. Remus smiled. That was all he needed.

The image faded away, and he let out a sigh. Somehow he knew the amulet wouldn't show anything again. He looked at it for a moment, thinking, then finally slipped it around his neck again. He wouldn't hide his grief away and try to forget it this time. He'd bear with it, and someday the amulet wouldn't hurt to look at anymore.

He was at a loss about what to do with the one that belonged to Sirius. He should find someone to give it to, he thought...Sirius shouldn't be forgotten. But it wasn't the same, and it never would be...so he put it back in the carved box, thinking he'd leave it to Harry when...when his time came.

Remus sighed again, shut the lid of the box, and went down the dark stairs of Grimmauld Place. It was so quiet now...they were searching for Sirius' will, and until it was found, the house had been vacated, just in case. Remus was to leave tomorrow, but until then he was alone in the darkness and silence of the house. Well, he was nearly alone - Kreacher had been found wailing over the ashes of his Mistress' portrait, but his screams had fallen into the depths of a silence so thick that they went nearly unnoticed.

Eventually, however, Remus got tired of the tantrums, and had used a few carefully worded sentences to send Kreacher into a sulking fit, locked in his miserable little room. Remus had then cast a Silencing Charm on the room, and the house-elf had not emerged since. So the silence was complete, and so was the loneliness.

But it had been quiet even before the house had been abandoned as a headquarters. The comings and goings of the Order had seemed like shadows, passing through a world of deeper, darker shadows. None of them could stay long in the shadows, but they couldn't linger for even a short time without being touched by them.

Ashes...

No. Not tonight. Sirius was happy. Remus had to hold on to that thought. Sirius was free. That had been his greatest wish, and, in death, he had it. He was free.

Remus almost envied him. He was still here, trapped in this cage of a house and the circumstances that chained him up once a month. He sighed. At least he could go in and out of it, he thought ruefully, and opened the door.

As he stepped out into the night, his eyes went immediately to the sky. It was covered with clouds, however, and he couldn't see the moon or the stars - but he knew what the clouds hid. The moon had begun to grow, and in a week or two he would be a werewolf again...but for now, he was out here in the thick, humid air, that held the promise of rain, as his sensitive nose could tell all too well.

The promise was fulfilled all too soon. The first drops of rain splattered on the sidewalk, one at a time, slowly, a warning to go inside now or get drenched...

But Remus didn't move. He just stood, head tilted towards the sky, letting the rain fall onto his face as it began to come down harder and harder, until he was standing in a torrent, with raindrops streaming down his face and hair and into his eyes and down his clothes...

It fell on the sidewalk and Remus watched it wash away the grime, leaving a slick, shiny surface.

_Ashes..._

_Death..._

_Washing away..._

And then, at long last, Remus felt tears come to his eyes. They streamed down his face and mixed with the rain, hot against the cold of his rain and the paleness of his skin. He made no move to wipe them away, he just tilted his head to the sky and let the rain run down his face and wash away the grime and mix with the tears and wash away the sadness, wash away the pain, wash away the ashes.

There, in the darkness of the night and under the shadow of Grimmauld Place and the life he was caged into, Remus cried.

And slowly, he began to feel alive again.

_Freedom._


End file.
